Mended

Fifteen

Danu and Harry stand before the brick townhouse both of them had grown to know all too well. It had been a habit for the two of them to meet on the sidewalk across the street twice a month for the last eight months. Sometimes they speak, often times they don't. This had never been a social visit; it was strictly a thinking session. A way for them each to unravel anything that had been eating at them.

Harry's breath comes out in short, fast pants that sends puffs of white circling their heads. The snow falls around them, if it weren't for the traffic on the street it would almost be beautiful. He holds her gloved hand in his, their fingers locked and trembling slightly. Danu takes a deep breath, leans her head back, and watches as the plume of white mingles with Harry's before the wind carries it away. Rose is not home, it doesn't appear that her half-sisters or stepfather are, either. Still though, they wait. She imagines Rose is out at the shops gathering ingredients for roast to greet her and Harry later that evening.

"Do..do you think Sirius would have been happy with her if they could have had the chance to be together?" Danu breaks the silence and looks over at Harry as he pries his eyes from the window across the street.

"Yeah. Yeah, I think he would have." Harry whispers as he grips her hand tighter.

"I don't think he ever would have accepted me and Severus together, but I like to think he would have loved Lorna."

"He would have, Danu, really. He would have adored her; he would have been the best grandpa." Harry pulls her into a warm hug and holds her against him for a moment before righting themselves and staring across the street once more.

"I wish I could have known him. I wish we had more time. Sometimes I'm afraid that he didn't want to know me."

"He couldn't get caught; they would killed him."

"I know, it's awful for me to think that. I just waited so long to have a dad, and then I get one, and we don't get any time. I met him once, and he stormed out of the room after less than twenty minutes. It was the only time I ever met him. I don't even remember what his voice sounded like." Danu wipes a tear from her eye and grabs Harry's hand. He felt safe, he felt like family was supposed to feel. "Was he happy, at least?"

"No, Danu. He wasn't happy. He hated that house, he hated being stuck there, hated feeling useless. He hated being alone."

"He wasn't in Azkaban though. That has to mean something."

"Yeah. It means something." Harry admits with a sigh as he flexes his fingers in hers.

"Do you think Molly will ever forgive me?"

Molly had kicked her out when she had told her that Severus had asked to keep Lorna two days a week, had told her that she never wanted to see her again. She was furious, had not even asked about Lorna in nearly a month. Severus had her every day, and every day Lorna grew more and more attached to him to the point where she often cried herself to sleep each night asking for her daddy. But Christmas was coming, and Molly was the closest thing to a mother, or a grandmother that either of them had. It broke her heart hurting Molly like that, and she had never intended to, but Lorna needed a father. It wasn't as if she would be keeping Lorna from Molly, she would never dream of it.

"She's just worried about you and Lorna. We all are." Harry admits with a deep sigh as he cuts his eyes towards her without moving his head from its forward position.

"He's her dad. I can't keep her from him."

"He left. He chose that, he made that decision."

"Yeah. He did. I'm not asking you to forgive him, I'm not even asking you to socialize with him, I'm just asking you to understand where I'm coming from."

"I don't understand why you care so much about him. I don't know why you can't just let it go before he hurts you again, because he's going to. Snape is...well, you know how he is."

"Because I don't want Lorna growing up thinking that she isn't good enough. I don't want her thinking that her dad didn't love her. One day, when she's older, I have to be able to tell her that I did everything that I could for her, even if it means having him around." Despite her best efforts, tears were now streaming down her face. Coming here, being in front of her mother's house started as curiosity, then morphed into a means to daydream about what her life could have been, now it did nothing but open up long closed doors. Her and Harry both left crying more often than not.

"She won't think that."

"She will."

"Sirius loved you. I know he did." Harry releases her hand and drapes his arm across her shoulders before pulling her against his side. Danu rests her head on his shoulder as the two continue staring at the dark, empty house.

"When you're with Ginny, when you come home at the end of the day, or you just sit and watch her, do you feel as though you can breathe for the first time in your life? Does it feel like you're so weighed down and struggling, but then you look at her and all of it just lifts away?"

Harry's silent for several moments, chewing on the inside of his lip in contemplation before he finally lets out a breath, lifts his head to the sky, and closes his eyes. She watches as his throat bobs as he swallows hard three times before lowering his head and looking her in the eyes.

"Before James, yeah. Now, all we do is argue. Sometimes I walk in from work, and she just goes mental. I don't know what to do, I don't think she wants to be with me anymore."

"Severus and I were like that after Lorna was born, too. Molly said it was normal, said that her and Arthur were the same way. Just take the baby sometimes, tell her that you love her. Make time for her, too."

"Yeah. I didn't know how hard it would be." Harry lifts his head once more and takes a deep breath, his hand grips her shoulder tightly as she wraps her arms around his waist and squeezes him gently. "Why did you ask that?"

"Because that's how it feels every time I'm near Severus. Even after everything, I still love him. I don't think I'll ever stop. I don't know why Dumbledore had him marry me, I don't know why he agreed to it, and I don't know why he left. I think he's hurting. I think between The Dark Lord, Dumbledore, and the war, something just turned off inside of him. He was never the same after he woke up. Then we immediately had Lorna. He didn't have time to heal, to process anything. I think there's so much guilt and pain inside of him that he doesn't know how to allow himself to be happy. He isn't Professor Snape, Harry. He loved me too, he cared about me. He made me feel safe even when I was sitting across from...from Him."

"Do you ever get scared?" Harry asks out of the blue, completely disregarding everything that she had just said. Danu looks up at him, one brow raised in question. "That you aren't a good parent." Harry's voice is barely above a whisper as a tear glistens in his eye.

"I'm terrified of that every single day." Danu admits, a weight lifting off of her shoulders at finally being able to admit it to someone who would be able to understand what it was like to try and navigate parenthood with no idea what a loving household looked like before they had met the Weasley family.

The two cousins stand in silence as they cling to one another for support. Around them, life carries on. Car horns sound, people shout, bells ring as people step into shops to purchase Christmas gifts. Unbeknownst to them, Rose and her daughters step into a kebab shop three doors down from where the two stand waiting to catch a glimpse of her.

"Are we ever going to knock on the door?" Harry finally asks, gesturing across the street towards the house with his chin.

"Maybe."