EVELYN

Nineteen | Myles

Everything felt draining right now. Seeing my dad around the house, acting like everything was perfect. Talking to my mum, battling the moral dilemma in my head. Texting Lina to have a normal conversation. Going to hang out with Nathan and the guys. Doing anything that required an ounce of brainpower. It was all beyond me.

The only option left, was to succumb to my own head, which maybe the worst of them all.

I hadn't slept well for a week or so. I wasn't entirely sure how many nights it was, but it really didn't matter to me either way. I was exhausted. My reflection only confirmed further, with the white-light of my bathroom mirror removing all colour from my skin, to exemplify the discoloured stains under my eyes. I looked ill.

It only led me down cyclical structure of pity myself then reprimanding myself for being so pathetic in the first place. What did I really have to complain about? I was a well off, academic, athletic, white male with friends and family; but still found room to wallow about my life. Grow up Myles!

I wasn't sure how long I was standing at my sink staring at myself, but the abrupt splash of cold water to my face broke me out of it.

My phone buzzed next to me for the fourth time, which was quickly becoming a nuisance. A dying hope believed that maybe a certain name would light up on the screen, but it hadn't happened yet. And I doubt it would.

I quickly pressed the answer button, before I gave myself a chance to debate over it.

'Hey!' Her voice chirped out, with her usual jumpy tone.

'Hey! You alright?' I asked with forced enthusiasm.

Lina was the last person who I wanted to infect with my depressive episode, so I had no choice but muster up some spark of energy for her. I didn't want anyone to be collateral damage for my unstable moods, but it especially applied to her. She was a beaming ball of sunlight that I didn't want to cloud.

'Yes, I'm always good!' She pointed out, 'I was calling to check in on you. Not in a clingy way, but just to talk I guess. You seemed off yesterday.'

By yesterday, I knew she was referring to dinner with Nathan and Evelyn. I'm sure anyone paying enough attention could sense the strained atmosphere around us. I knew it was a terrible idea, but Nathan had decided for me, without a chance to come up with a solid excuse.

It had been ok since our conversation last week; we were just keeping the distance. Then, I saw the fucking necklace locked around her neck, with his initial on it taunting me. I despised the man and that only added to it. I couldn't help but call her stupid. She was. It was the just wrong place, wrong time. My bad.

'I'm good. I was just tired after the match.' I spoke, 'Anyways, how was it? Did you enjoy the game?'

Manoeuvring the conversation away from anything to do with Evelyn or that subject. I gave the same vague answer every time but still comes up far too often. It was draining putting it to the back of mind, only for it all to be dragged right back whenever someone asked about what happened.

'I loved it! You played really well.' She beamed through the phone, enough to visualise the grin on her round face.

'Ha thanks! I'm flattered!' I smiled awkwardly to myself in the mirror, not missing the stillness in my eyes, 'You can keep the top if you want. It's old and you looked cute in it.'

I hadn't ever really been into the whole cliche of a girl wearing your jersey, but when she asked, it was hard to say no to her. I'm glad she did, because to me, it means a lot knowing that there's at least someone in the crowd there for you.

'Thank you! I would love to!' She giggled, 'My mum asked me about it when she saw it but I just told her it was a friend's.'

'A friend's'. That is one way you could describe us. I wasn't sure myself. I never had a girlfriend before, so had no clue how this works. I liked Lina a lot, but taking it to girlfriend/boyfriend so soon didn't seem like the right move. Half was that I was worried it would scare her off and half was whether I was ready for that. To me, it wasn't something I just wanted to chuck around meaninglessly and there was no rush. Besides, from what I could tell, Lina's parents were strict and old fashioned, which held her back.

'Haha! You handled that well. I bet you got worried.' I joked, knowing she would be sweating under pressure.

'Yes! I almost stuttered because it was on the spot and they get funny when it comes to boys.' She started, 'My mum just gave me the look, which is the worst.'

'Yeah, I know exactly what you're on about.' I said slumping down on my bedsheets, easing into her calming aura, 'What's your plans this weekend?'

'Probably do some study or do some drawing maybe' She trundle along her sentence, before becoming jumpy, 'Why? What are you doing?'

Beside every voice in my head holding me hostage in my room, meeting Lina would be the best way to quieten the noise for a bit. A sense of gravity in world, where I felt like I was just drifting away.

'Nothing planned, unless you wanted to go out for coffee or dinner?' I pained, wincing my eyes at the severe cringe of asking her out.

'Yes!' Lina blurted, as I finished, 'That sounds good. I got some work to do first though.'

'Ok, so let's do dinner later? At 7?'

'Yes! 7 will be fine.' She spoke with some more control in her voice this time, 'You can choose where we go. I don't mind.'

'I have great taste in food, so I'm sure you will like it.' I joked, smiling a little, 'I will see you later then.'

'Ok! Bye!'

'Bye.'

I let my phone bounce on the bed in exhaustion from the short call. My fists balled on my face, becoming increasingly frustrated at my own company. At this point I was a ghost haunting my own body, trying my best to get through another day without wanting to disappear. Perhaps it was me dramatising my life into some pseudo burden.

I got to get a grip. Soon.
____

Sorry this is such a boring update
Was going to delete it and scrap it
But it relevant to the story
And just basically an extra chapter I guess
Apologies though because it is boring