McHanzo III

Five

It was nearing the end of Hanzo's shift and it was a little past midnight, he was able to finish his cityscape sketch. He was satisfied with it and had put it back in his bag, he had also eaten his lunch earlier or rather his dinner. He took his break around nine and he had started his shift at four, he always liked taking his break a little later rather than earlier. He would eat it at his desk and then walk around a little since sitting in one spot would get exhausting and painful pretty fast, but he was good about enduring it.

The graveyard shift had arrived and Hanzo took his chance to get up, as usual their interaction was more on the transactional side as they nodded at each other and moved along. Hanzo worked the graveyard for a little when he first got the job and he tried the morning one too, but the afternoon to night one was his favorite and didn't hurt his sleep schedule nearly as much as the other two.

He grabbed his things and clocked out through the computer then headed toward the elevators to go up to the first floor, and soon enough he was in the main lobby heading for the doors.

When he stepped out into the night the air was crisp and cool, it was early spring and he loved spring, he felt like it was the most peaceful and the perfect season to put in some hard work with some good intentions. He had a moment and he looked up, staring at the tall buildings and scaling along them with his eyes. He stepped to the side to make sure he wouldn't be in anybody's way should they walk past him. The skies were clear with a few feathery clouds looming over the buildings, exposing a few stars. Something tugged at Hanzo's heart because suddenly he deja vu, as if he had been in this moment before because Jesse and him would stare at the same sky together all the time from sunset to dusk.

Hanzo bit his lip and his vision became blurry with tears, he quickly wiped a tear that slipped out of his eye and took a deep breath before releasing it. If he was going to cry over this he'd at least get home and do it somewhere private so he cleared his throat then proceeded to go about his route to home. He walked pretty fast because it was chilly and because he just wanted to be home already since he just needed a moment.

His route was a back way because he didn't like being near overly busy streets if he could help it because it was a lot of potential extra fuss he just didn't want to deal with.

When he finally got to his building he immediately stepped into the lobby and headed to his loft. As he did he unlocked the door and got inside, the room dark but gently illuminated by the moon. He went over to his sofa and sat down, throwing his bag on the floor next to the door on the way. His loft was small for the most part but he loved it because there was a giant window that took up almost an entire wall that he could look out no matter where he was, aside from the bathroom of course. Staring out the window he began to ruminate and the stars seemed to stare back at him, his heart twisted again and he started to think about his cowboy.

Hanzo knows he's such a sap for thinking about him to this day because he knows what a charmer Jesse is and that he could probably have anybody he wanted. Hell, for all Hanzo knows Jesse probably resents and hates him now which makes his pondering all the more pathetic in his own eyes. He leaned forward and put his face in his hands, tears running down his face.

After a moment of weeping he looked to the left of him on the sofa and reached for the cerulean serape, it still smelling ever so slightly of cigars and gunpowder. When Hanzo had moved he forgot to thoroughly go through on of his drawers and whether it's a blessing or not was beyond Hanzo's knowledge, but regardless he couldn't find it in him to get rid of it because he missed him so much it actually hurt him. There wasn't a day he would beat himself up over the matter, telling himself how horrible he is and how he never deserved a chance with him in the first place. The amount of guilt he felt for breaking his heart alone weighed on him everyday and it got heavier until he would have a breaking moment like he is right now.

He hugged the serape tightly and started full on sobbing.

His eyes were swollen and his throat was sore now so he took it as his sign to get a glass of water and get ready for bed because it was almost three in the morning now. He brushed his teeth right after and took the serape with him to bed, wrapping it around him tightly. He glanced out the window one more time before he put his head down and started to become drowsy, exhausted from crying so much.

Sometimes Hanzo wished he could get over himself to have some nice things for once.