Pushing Dreams Away and Dreams Pushing Back

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In the years since her recovery, she has tried to resume a normal life.  She was still petite, never really growing much, Daddy called her his "little angel" ever since she came back home.  When she was recovered, her mother had already been buried while she was feared to be lost forever.  It was quite the shock to her young mind to have all of this information shoved on her.

She has tried to push her troubled dreams away ever since then.  They aren't nightmares, more like memories that never seem to fade, even when she wakes up.  It seems like she is in a cloud, trying desperately to see the ground from high above.  Concentrating on anything is pretty much impossible so her father finally hired tutors.  She was teased too much in school for being "the lost girl" and for her dreamy far away look in her eyes most of the time.

Some of the dreams are troubling, she feels trapped, unable to move and wakes up scared and shivering.  Some mornings are spent making sure all the doors and windows are locked and the alarm system is armed.  However, these dreams don't stay away for very long.  This morning, as she was walking to the corner store, a young man is watching her.  He doesn't seem threatening but those foggy dream memories somehow place meaning on him.  She becomes a little dizzy and sits on a bench to catch her breath and un-fog her brain.

Her father finds her there, hours later, chilled and confused.  It takes him a few minutes to get thru her dream fog and get her to recognize him and go back home.  She doesn't leave the house for a few days after that experience.  When she comes back to herself, down from that cloud, she feels even more lost and upset for some reason she can't explain.

One windy afternoon, she is walking down to the store once again.  The huge oak tree on the corner bursts into full brilliant fall colors, even tho it had been barren, preparing for the winter months.  This is quite shocking and she stands there for a few minutes, in awe of the beautiful display.  There is a pull to keep walking, around the corner and away from the store.  As she turns the corner, she comes face to face with the young man.  He smiles sadly at her, his deep ocean eyes peering into her baby blues, almost like he is searching her very soul.

She stands there mesmerized.  She hears him speaking but can't make out any of the words even tho they are only a few feet apart.  She suddenly snaps back into herself, falls from those clouds and remembers pain, fear and so much confusion.  As he reaches for her arm, he says "it's ok now, I'm stronger than them, it's time for you to complete your training.  You're safe with me, always safe".  Needless to say, she turns around and flees down the road.  He isn't following her but as she looks back, she sees several other men speaking with him.

She finds herself in front of a new housing development being built, she looks back one more time and runs between the husks, ducking into one that has the siding up.  There are a set of stairs going up to an unfinished 2nd floor so she crawls under the very bottom most stairs, in the darker shadows, hoping to be hidden enough to sneak out and get back home.  As she hears people moving around in the houses around the one she's in, her dreams come back in full force.  However, the memories of fear and pain are gone completely.  Instead, she feels warmth, comfort and love.

The noises are suddenly in the back of the house she's hiding in.  Trying to remain quiet seems impossible as she gasps when memories come flooding in.  She's hurt but healed, happy and running around, a little garter snake.  She is learning how to keep herself inside her own body, how to keep her emotions close to her heart and how to be strong when faced with evil.  These are the memories of a small child who was taken and later recovered.  The people in the house become quiet when they hear these gasps.

Voices suddenly come out of nowhere, "I see her, she's so frightened!" "It's time for her to finish this" "No, she doesn't appear to be hurt.  What should we do?"  Then his voice calls out to her "You know it's ok.  You can feel us and you know we're safe, especially for you.  Please come out".  With that last sentence, she crawls out and looks at them.  Why is he safe?  Is he the one who took her as a child?  Why was he teaching her these things and what caused that pain and fear?  Somehow, she feels like these questions will finally be answered and she won't feel lost anymore.

Those dreams have shoved back into her head, she is remembering more and more and surprisingly, not afraid.

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