The White Tiger

Chapter 20

 I looked away from him and sighed. I didn't want him to think I didn't love or want him! Telling him part of me regretted marking him would sound like that and he'd be really hurt. I did not want to hurt him under any circumstances. 

 "Elena, I want you to tell me what is bothering you." Jay said, the firmness in his voice growing. I could feel in our bond he was worried and a little hurt. I could also feel some frustration. I knew he was frustrated and hurt because I'm not telling him what's on my mind. I forgot until he said something that he can feel my feelings...

 "I....It's complicated, Jay..." I said slowly.

 "What is it you regret, Elena? What are you scared about? Is this about your friends?" Jay prodded.

 "No, it's not about them this time...It's...something very different..." I said quietly, still refusing to look at him. 

 "Elena, please, just tell me." Jay was growing more and more frustrated. I could see the anger in his eyes. 

 "I can't, Jay. I'm sorry.." I told him before turning off my emotions. 

 I could see that really frustrated him. "Elena-"

 "I'm going for a walk...I'll be back later." I excused myself and walked past him, despite his protests. Misty was protesting and whining in my head for me to stop, but I ignored her.

 "Please, Elena! We can figure this out together with his help!" she pleaded.

 "He'll think I don't want him, Misty! I don't want that to happen."

 "He'll only be hurt and angry if you don't tell him. He's been hurt enough in his life. He'll think you don't trust him!" Her words rang through my head. I didn't want him to think I didn't trust him...I didn't want him to be hurt. I could live with Jay being angry with me. But I couldn't let him be hurt.

 I sighed heavily, groaning. I leaned against the wall beside his room. He hadn't come out yet. That's the bad news....Good news is, he isn't crying!.....Yet.....I immediately mind-linked Kian, asking if we could go for a walk and talk. I really needed his advice. Growing up, I always went to my dad for advice. When he was unavailable, I went to my brother or my mom. I really wish daddy and mom were here right now....This is one area I really need their help in....I doubt highly they were ever in this situation, but they might've had some advice. The same goes for Kian and Elisa. 

 When I got downstairs, I was relieved to see everyone was not at the foot of the stairs anymore. They had all moved to some other room, I suppose. I was embarrassed at myself for being partly responsible for that little scene Jay and I created...The only ones standing there, were Elisa and Kian. They looked at me, a worried, concerned look in their eyes.

 "Come on. You can tell us what's going on outside." Kian said in a gentle voice. I nodded and followed my brother and sister-in-law outside. We walked for a few minutes in silence, before Elisabeth spoke up softly.

 "So, is everything alright? What's going on between you and Jay?"

 "He didn't hurt you did he??" Kian demanded.

 "No! No, no. Nothing like that, brother." I responded quickly, my hands up in a defensive manner.

 "Then what's wrong?"

 I looked around quickly, making sure we were alone and out of earshot before speaking in a quiet tone. "I'm afraid that my mark will bring danger to Jay..." They looked at me, their eyes wide as they listened. "Part of me regrets marking him because I don't want any harm to come to him. I don't know what to do....If I tell him, he'll think I don't want him and I do! More than anything! If I don't tell him, he'll be hurt and think I don't trust him..."

 Kian and Elisabeth nodded slowly. "Why do you think your mark will bring him harm?" Kian asked.

 "Because the little picture is a White Tiger! It looks slightly different from a normal tiger's mark. Plus, it has my initials. What if someone recognizes it and tells Alpha Richard? Someone like the spy! And, we still don't know who the spy is. If Alpha Richard finds out, he's going to target this pack. And, he'll target not just me, but Jay as well. Jay could be killed! He's a Gamma. He's strong, but he's not as strong as an Alpha." I responded. 

 Elisa gave me a small smile and placed her hand on my shoulder. "If you want my advice, Elena, I suggest you talk to Jay and voice your concerns. Of course you can't remove your marks, but you can wear clothes that hide your marks."

 "Elisa is right, Lena. Jay isn't the type to jump to conclusions. He'll listen to you without saying a word until you are done speaking. If you tell him why your afraid your mark might cause harm, then he might just understand." Kian said softly. "But, you are right. Jay is sensitive and has been hurt a lot in his life. I will understand and support whatever you decide to do. But I do encourage you to talk to him....He's never felt the pain of being hurt by his mate before..."

 "And I don't want him to, Kian. I didn't reject him."

 "But when you feel as though your mate doesn't trust you, it can really hurt, Elena. I went through it when Elisabeth had just found out she was pregnant." Kian told me in a firm tone. I raised my eyebrows, confused. "See, a week or two before we got married, we agreed that we'd wait a few years before trying for children."

 "Well, about a month after we got married, I noticed I'd been feeling...different lately. I went to the pack doctor and...it was confirmed that I was pregnant." Elisabeth said in a quiet tone. This story, I could tell, was not exactly easy for my brother and his mate to talk about. "I was scared. I didn't want Kian to be mad. I didn't really understand what happened. I mean, we were using protection. But, I guess, it kinda failed to do it's job...Which is rare, but it happens..."

 "Elisa for a few days, was a little distant towards me. She seemed tense when we were around, but I could see she was trying to act the same. I asked her several times what was troubling her, but she never answered me. I felt like she didn't trust me..." Kian said slowly, a hint of sadness in his eyes.

 "I finally got up the nerve to tell him. After talking to your mom about it, anyway..." Elisa smiled guiltily. My eyes were wide as I listened to this whole story. I had no idea their pregnancy was unexpected, or that they had any trouble. And I definitely didn't know my mother knew anything or even helped a little.  

 "After we talked, we cleared the whole matter up. Though I was not expecting a honeymoon baby, I don't regret having Little Evelyn Jade at all."

 "Neither do I." Elisa smiled at Kian, who smiled back. "The point is, Elena, that we understand the pain and hurt of not feeling like your mate trusts you."

 "I can tell you for a fact that was the worse few days of sleep I've ever had. If I even got any sleep during those few days..." Kian remarked.

 I didn't want Jay to feel so bad he couldn't sleep. No sleep takes a bad toll on my mate. I remained silent, but nodded slowly.

 At that moment, Kian spoke up. "Joseph needs me back at the pack house. He says our sources may have found something useful in fighting Alpha Richard."

 "Go ahead. I'll just stay here a few minutes, if it's alright." I replied.

 "Ok. Do you want Elisa to stay with you?"

 "Oh, no. You might need her. And Evelyn might need her." I smiled. "Go ahead, you two. I'll be fine." They nodded, giving me a small smile before walking away. My smile faded when they left. I sighed before sitting down on a nearby bench, placing my head in my hands. I had to tell Jay. But how would he respond? I didn't want him to think I hated him and I definitely didn't want him hating me. I didn't want him to be hurt though...

 "Elena...?" Misty spoke up in a quiet voice.

 I sighed, closing my eyes before nodding and opening them. "I think....You, Kian, and Elisabeth might be right...I need to tell Jay. Soon." She gave me a small smile. I smiled back. I only hope this won't go badly.