Between Us ~ An Achilles and Patroclus Fanfiction

Chapter eleven ~ It's over

Patroclus' POV

When you are used to thinking you have someone who loves you enough to spend the whole eternity with you, you don't really have a plan in case this actually doesn't happen. You really should have a plan for this occasion, unless you want to end up like me, staying inside for almost six months, crying about your long lost love.
Earlier that year, Achilles had left me to live with his son and his son's mother in the other side of the underworld, somewhere where he wouldn't run into me again. It was one of the few times in my life where I thought I had reached rock bottom. Underworld felt like a trap for me, I actually had no one to talk to, no family or friends, no wife, no kids. I had been an outcast in my early days, back home. How strange, I actually have no home, not in the land of living, nor in the land of dead. I used to feel this cave-like house was my home. It somehow feels bigger now, emptier.
Even though six months in the underworld equals to almost nothing, I felt like I had drowned in my sadness for years. I used to feel loved, included, appreciated. I thought of Neoptolemus as a child of my own, I thought of Achilles as my other half, my heart's missing piece. Apparently, I learnt that it's possible to continue existing with half a heart, completely believing that I don't deserve any kind of love. I spent most of that time crying, remembering the good old times with Achilles before the war, when it was just the two of us.
I remembered who he was before all of this mess occurred and, turns out, I actually had lost my romantic feelings towards him a lot of time ago. I was staying with him because deep down, even under the tough surface of the even tougher man the War of Troy created and Deidamia and the rest of the world saw, I was still seeing that shy boy, who was the purest person I had ever met. I didn't even realise that we both had changed so much. The situations we happened to be in tore us apart before we even fought to the point that our relationship's end was written. I really loved him, only to get to hate him for making me doubt about myself and what I really wanted out of this relationship.
As those six months passed slower than ever, I managed to pull myself together and accept the end of fhe days I felt happy, accepted, included, loved. I put on my clothing, I wore my sandals, I fixed my messy hair and opened the door for the first time in six whole months. I decided to walk. The underworld was never ending, so I wouldn't even walk that much. People were staring at me, not being used to looking at just me, alone, without Achilles right next to me. A man approached me as soon as he saw me. I knew him, it was Odysseus, who had recently been killed by his own son, Telegonus. He recognised me, even though I looked nothing like myself.

- Odd to see you alone, he said.

- This is the only way I'll be seen from now on, I replied.

- It feels wrong to see you this way, he said. It's just you don't make sense this way.

- Odysseus, I said, you're said to be a wise man, you out of all people should have seen me through the man that once stood besides me. I am a person of my own and should not be associated with someone who didn't respect me and didn't trust me enough to believe me over his intuitions.

- What are you saying, Patroclus?

So, I sat besides him and told him everything. It didn't even feel like I was talking for myself, it felt like I was talking about someone else. Odysseus stood silent, listening to my words like I was telling a story. After a while, I was done. Odysseus looked at me in disbelief.

- I don't understand, he said, you and his son were close, but not romantically close. Achilles is not dumb, he should have seen this. I bet it's Deidamia's fault.

- Odysseus, I don't want to talk about this anymore. I won't even say his name anymore, that man doesn't longer exist to me. He made me feel awful those last moments we had together, I thought he trusted me more than anyone. I will not blame him for wanting what's best for his son, but he should have known who I was after all those years we have known eachother.

- You're dealing with this the right way, Patroclus, Odysseus said. I think things will change between you two and if Gods will not allow it to work, you will blossom to be a different person, wiser and more comfortable in your own skin. Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me all this.

- Thank you for listening to me, I said. That reminds me, I didn't ask you how you died.

- Apparently, I had a son with Circe, she named him Telegonus. He was told he would kill his own father unknowingly and this is exactly what happened. We fought and he killed me. He learnt that I was his father later that day.

- That's awful, I'm so sorry, I said.

- Don't be, he said. Us who fought in Troy were to die in an inconvenient way.  It's only been a few months and Penelope married him, my son Telemachus married Circe. I have no idea how this happened, but I guess I can't worry about a situation I cannot control.

-  It surprises me that you have this way of thinking, I said. You're really wise.

- Wisdom is in every single one of us, the thing is some people don't know how to use it, he said.

- Thank you for the talk, I said. I will continue my walk.

- You sure will, he said and walked away.

Odysseus was still close enough to be seen walking away, when suddenly, every possible bad scenario occurred right Infront of me.