Between Us ~ An Achilles and Patroclus Fanfiction

Chapter twelve ~ Lonely in a crowd

ACHILLES ' POV

Being a demigod, I was taught to believe that I cannot be mistaken and that every single one of the decisions I was going to make was going to be the right one. Turns out, Gods and demigods are far away from what happens in reality and, the truth is, I realised my mistake as soon as I made it.
Patroclus and I fought to the point of separation, due to me thinking he liked Neoptolemus in a romantic way. I got angry, screamed and shouted, took my things, grabbed my son's arm and left for good, to live with Deidamia. On the way to her cave, I had already regretted my decision, as I saw the situation from Patroclus's point of view. Deidamia was happy to have us with her, Neoptolemus  though was completely upset. We went inside and were about to sleep. Deidamia insisted I sleep with her on her bed, but I insisted I sleep on the empty bedroom next to my son's. When I made sure they slept, I cried like I've never cried before, until I was so tired of it and fell asleep.

This went on for days.  I tried not to show the truth of my feelings to my son or Deidamia, but i was pointless, I only managed to do so for less than a month. In the meantime Deidamia thought of us like a normal family and eventually both her and Neoptolemus were starting to believe that me and Deidamia would become a couple. I tried to act like I was fine, but it was way difficult. I always brushed her hand off from my shoulder, I changed the topic of the conversation when it went to us becoming a couple and I locked my door at night, thinking she would want to sneak inside and sleep with me. It was managable for a few weeks. After a while, I couldn't take it anymore, the pressure became too much. I didn't want to exist in that way, this wasn't how I pictured myself at all. 

Eventually, I told them both what I was feeling, which was totally freeing. Deidamia couldn't accept the fact that I regretted my decision of leaving Patroclus just for being close to my son, but I couldn't care less about her. I explained to her that, even though she was the mother of my only child, I would never become nothing more than a friend to her, because I simply had never liked a woman in a romantic way and the only person I loved with every part of my body was Patroclus. Hearing this, she never sat close to me again. She then told me she completely understands and that she would always have my back as a thank you for giving her the chance to have this wonderful child. 

Neoptolemus had a much different reaction. When I told him I was planning to get back with Patroclus, he looked at me in disbelief. At first I thought he was just upset due to the recent events, but eventually he opened up and told me his own version of the story. Turns out, Neoptolemus was feeling insecure and lonely, as he knew he would never experience this kind of love, as he died young. I tried to explain to him that love was possible even in his situation, but he wouldn't listen. He then went to explain about his behavior towards Patroclus, saying that he felt like his feelings towards him were heading in a different direction. He then told me he thought he liked him in a romantic way, only to discover he didn't, but in reality he just admired his appearance and his affection towards me. He apologised to me and he told me he would love me to get back with Patroclus as soon as possible, but he heard people talking about Patroclus having someone new around and talking badly about me. That totally crashed my world. 

I couldn't accept that he thought of me that way and moved on so quickly, already having relations with someone else. I completely isolated myself and started to spend more and more time alone, crying in my room. I was remembering every single one of our moments together, from when I first met him to our first kiss and much more, completely shattered that all those memories meant nothing to him. I sometimes was waken up by Deidamia during the night, because I was having nightmares that he forgot about me, about us. She sometimes told me I was shouting his name in my sleep and that only made me feel worse. 

We were going outside and continuing out existence in the underworld like usual, but I could hear and see people admiring that ''Prince Achilles finally has a normal family and got rid of that idiot follower'' and it really made me feel worse. Not only did I still loved Patroclus, but I also wanted him back more than anything. Months went by with no contact, I was pretty far from him either way. My love for him had only become stronger and both Deidamia and Neoptolemus were trying to help me find my missing piece by joining me on long walks, where in reality we were searching for him and his mysterious new love interest. 

One day, I had enough. I left Deidamia's cave before it was even morning. People weren't around to look at me and judge me, no one was there. I had taken this decision a long time ago, but this was the only chance I had to make things right. If it were for me to make things right, this was the only day I could actually do this. I closed the door silently behind me and began my trip. I was determined to be outside our cave just when the sun was about to come out. I walked for what felt like hours, only to discover Deidamia was right behind me.

- You cannot do this all by yourself, she said. We will find him together and we will make things right.

I teared up as I hugged her tight. Without even knowing it, she had given me a hope, a little spark that was about to make me feel like I could actually do this. 

- Thank you very much, I told her.

We continued walking for some more time. I had already planned on what I was going to say to him, what I would do if he rejected me and what I would do if he didn't. We decided it was time for a break and we decided to sit down for a while, we only were ten minutes away from his cave. Many people were ther by that time, it was a busy hour in that area. I felt completely exhausted, even though I of all people rarely got tired. My mortal nature was more visible in the Land of the Dead. Deidamia sat next to me and we just talked about what I would say and what I would do in every possible situation. After a while, I was filled by an emotion of gratitude and we hugged, only to discover someone was looking at us like he was about to kill us both.