Welcome to Stonebrook

Six

~Clay~

Fucking birthdays. 

I swear Jesse has one every other week. Never mind the fact I only get a few days a week alone with Lib, he sweet talks my mother into babysitting before even asking me to come out, eliminating any excuse I can find. The guy knows me too damn well. Or so I think. Because right now he's hunting around the room for a girl for me to take home. Because 'once I just get the first over with, I'll be right back to being the most wanted bachelor in town'. 

I didn't want to get it over with. I didn't want to do it at all but arguing with him over it wasn't going to help and in about an hour when he's had a few beers he'll disappear at the exact same time Vanessa does and I won't see him until tomorrow. It's the same thing every time. 

"You gotta get over her man." 

"I second it." Austin put his half empty bottle of beer onto the bar. "No offence Clay, but you're becoming a downer and yo know for a fact Rose told you to move on." 

"Doesn't mean I'm gonna." I should have said there was something I needed to sort at work. Dropped in on one of the restaurants outside of town until a little later on then gone to pick Lib up. But now I was 2 drinks deep and I know from the texts she'd sent on mom's phone she was perfectly happy there. 

"Pool?" Austin broke the awkward silence, ushering Jesse over to a table out of the way. I turned to follow until Dead grabbed my shoulder, tugging me to a stop. Out of all of my friends, Dean was the one who got it. He'd had some serious losses in his life and out of everyone, he is the one guy who knew how hard losing Rose had been on me and didn't speak a word when me moving on ever came up. Until tonight.

"Look man. I know I'm the last person you wanna hear this from and I know it's a tricky subject but we're all just very aware of how pulled in you are. I know Rose was- was supposed to be here for us both and we were supposed to be brothers or whatever but you're killing yourself grieving for something you can't un do. She's not coming back Clay." A cold rush pushed through me, vanilla and cinnamon filling the air like a fog whilst the left side of my body warmed up. 

"Do you think I don't know that?" 

"No. I know you know that. Which is why I'm doing what Rose would have done and I'm telling you straight to the point. My sister didn't die for you to spend the rest of your life moping about her. She wanted you and Lib to be happy. Not just Libby. You too. The very last thing Rose wanted when she got that fucking diagnosis was for her husband to spend the rest of his life lonely, by himself. I know it's hard man. But the world is turning and you've been sat in your pit of self loathing for 6 years. It's time to start climbing out. Even if it's just one step at a time."  Dean slapped his hand on my back, giving me a tight smile as he walked off. The vanilla and cinnamon scent lingered for a few precious moments but I know what it was doing. It's just my brain making this shit up. 

I down my beer in one, heat rushing over my face in a mixture of anger and sadness and I decided to grab some air, to cool myself off a little before I went back in there to obliterate them in a few games of pool. 

6 years is a hell of a long time, I know. And I know it'd stop feeling like yesterday if I could move on. But I don't even know how to start. I'd known Rose my whole life. You can't just get that kind of knowledge on someone. 

Maybe the guys are right. Maybe I just need a first. Someone I don't need to over think it with. A quick one and done just to bite the bullet. Kind of like exposure therapy. Maybe I'm making too big of a deal out of this in looking for something long term. 

I don't know. 

"Oh shit," The door slammed closed behind me, someone bumping into my shoulder with a slight giggle. "Sorry. I didn't-" I turned my head, stepping back and out of the way of the brunette. "You're the dog guy."