Welcome to Stonebrook

Seventeen

~Lor~

"Where the hell have you-" 

"Don't worry about it."

"Don't worry about it? Clay we're in the middle of nowhere. No one knows I'm here with you. You basically kidnapped me." 

"Worth it if it get's you to tell me what's going on." Fucking hell he's making it impossible to hold myself together. I just want to go home and exist. Cocoon myself in a blanket on my porch and watch the stars over the farmers field opposite until the Sun comes up then crawl into bed and sob until I pass out. Is it really too much to ask for? To just want to mellow in it a little and let it feel too heavy before I have to go back to pretending the world is sunshine and rainbows? "Still not going for it?" 

"There's nothing wrong." 

"Okay." He nods, pushes his door open and climbs out. 

"What? Clay-" He rounded the car, pulling my door open and leaning in. 

"Come on." 

"There's nothing wrong." 

"I believe you." 

"You do?" 

"Hell no. You're a terrible liar I just need you to move your hand so I can- got it." A click of the mechanism next to me and he eased my seatbelt off me before gently holding onto my face. "I don't like this version of you Lor. All I can pin it down to is something you're either ashamed of or something terrible you don't want anyone to know about and either option - it's physically hurting me to see you so clearly upset that you're almost in tears with me just asking what's wrong. You're strong. I can see that. You're a strong woman and that strength has got you through whatever it is and brought you here but you don't have to be strong for me. You don't have to pretend it isn't heavy Lorelai. I'm damn strong too and I have no problem helping you carry it all, whatever it is." He stares at me like that for a few minutes then pulls back out of the car, holding his hand out for me to take and I hesitate, give it a few beats before trusting him enough to take his hand and follow his lead. "Shoes off." 

"What?" 

"I mean you can keep them on but they'll get all sandy and gross." 

"Sand-" He smiled at me, nodding quickly. 

"Shoes?" He kneeled down, unfastening his shoes and helping me with mine before grabbing a blanket from the back of the car and walking us out to the beach and setting us up in the sand a good few feet from the shore line. 

It was a comfortable silence we sat in for a good few minutes. Waves softly lapping at the shore, stars in the sky and the moon reflecting blue light across the water. Otherwise, it was silent. No birds, no horns or sirens, no yelling neighbours. This is the peace I wanted when I decided to moved down here. Just me and the world and nothing else. 

"I still feel guilty for wanting to move on from Rose." His voice is quiet but I know it was put out there for me. So I turn to see him staring at the sky like it was going to give him every answer to every question he's ever asked himself. "That's why I left that night. I was watching you sleep and it just- my chest was so heavy. I felt like I was letting her down. Not doing her justice. Which, is stupid I know. She'd kill me if she knew I felt bad about it." 

"How did she die?" 

"Cancer. She was having some problems during the pregnancy so they rand some tests and I don't know, turns out she had it before but it wasn't giving her any trouble but then something about her hormones whilst she was pregnant making it grow faster. She- she could have given up Libby and had treatment but they said chances were it wouldn't work so she decided to carry the pregnancy."