Invested In Her (GxG)

-Prologue -

"Trigger Warning: This chapter contains sensitive content that may be distressing or triggering to some readers. Reader discretion is advised."

Invested In Her

Gently caressing my skin with a chilling temptation, ever so slowly. My senses awaken as the crimson ink gracefully imprints its lasting emblem upon me.

Above me, a masterpiece hung from the ceiling, captivating my senses with its intricate beauty. Inviting me to embrace it and wear its splendor like a garment.

A liquid, as clear as crystal, undulates in gentle waves, its tranquil rhythm washing away all worries, enveloping my being in a serene calmness. Whether warm or cold, it has the power to wash away my pain.

A breathtaking view, where hope feels far away yet enticing, It urges me to release my grasp on the mundane and reach for the boundless sky.

Deliberately seeking solace in enchanting marbles, their magic becomes a balm for my pain. Leaving me crave for them like delectable chocolates.

Looking at the crescent lever, accompanied by the comforting presence of the moon. With a mere touch, the haunting hoot of the owl resounds through the early morn, echoing in the air.

A yearning for a collision, for an end to the lingering misery that weighs upon my soul.

"Is it okay if I let go?"

The repetitive thoughts echo incessantly in my mind, like a broken record that refuses to stop. My body is ready to give in, but something inside me keeps holding on, keeps hesitating, keeps protecting me.

from killing myself...

"Please..." I'm begging with all my heart. "I am... I am barely holding on."

I am on the verge of breaking. I fear that I am losing myself in the darkness. Every day feels like a battle against my own thoughts, and I don't know how much longer I can bear it....

It's all becoming too much.

I curled into a ball, burying my face, hugging my knees with trembling hands as if grasping for a lifeline in this dim, desolate corner.

I could see them, a crowd of people, all around me. They were chatting, laughing, and enjoying each other's company. But despite being in the midst of it all, not a single person glanced in my direction, not one hand reaching out. I felt invisible and lost in the shuffle.

"Help." I whispered into the air, a desperate plea. "I'm not okay."

I held my knees even tighter, my grip becoming almost painful, as I watched them slowly turn towards me. Their faces were devoid of emotion and ornamented with apathy. It was as if they were peering right through me, uninterested and indifferent. In that moment, a solitary tear poured down my cheek, a mute witness to my unbearable loneliness and solitude. Their distant judgments worsen the misery inside of me, making me feel even more invisible and disconnected from everything around me.

They have transformed into monstrous figures in my eyes. Concealed in darkness, their piercing eyes shine a stark white against the blackness, and then they smile, like the twisted grin of a demon, painted in crimson.

I shut my eyes tightly, tears streaming down my face, as their faces expanded, engulfing my entire world.

Did I mean nothing to them? Am I merely a plaything?

"Someday...someone will save me from hell..."

No, Tabitha! You're completely alone in this cruel world! Remember that. You have no one else to rely on, no one else to trust but yourself. Never even dare to entertain the thought of relying on someone...

Because if you did...

They would effortlessly let go of your trembling hand, leaving you to plummet into the depths of despair. Lost and disoriented, you will struggle to find your way back, forever trapped in the shadows.

They would cruelly cut the knots that bound you, leaving you with nothing to hold onto. You would find yourself lost, desperately seeking protection, only to discover that you have been broken and bleeding, left to pick up the pieces on your own.

Keep running, Tabitha! For in this cruel world, everyone wears a mask. They are monsters lurking in the shadows, ready to devour you, to bury you alive, and to set your very soul on fire.

The thought of someone saving me crosses my mind, but the walls I've built around myself refuse to let it in. Trust issues have become my constant companion, whispering doubts and fears into my ear, reminding me of my past betrayals and heartbreaks.

Closing my eyes, I took a moment to catch my breath, to steady my racing heart and slowing down my racing heart.

"Is that all she's worth? Is there no one else out there who's better?"

I hastily open my eyes, gasping for air. I press my trembling hand against my chest, attempting to alleviate the excruciating pain that courses through my veins.

With so many who could betray me, why did it have to be them?

I find myself recoiling, unable to accept their kindness. The scars of the past run deep, and the wounds are still fresh. It's as if I'm trapped in a cycle of self-sabotage, pushing away those who genuinely care, convinced that they will eventually leave or hurt me.

But deep down, beneath the layers of skepticism, there's a flicker of hope. A tiny voice that whispers, "What if this time is different? What if they truly want to help?" It's a fragile flame, easily extinguished by the weight of my doubts, but it's there, refusing to be completely snuffed out.

I yearn for someone to see through my walls, to understand the battles I fight within myself. To hold my hand and assure me that they won't let go, even when I push them away. But the fear of vulnerability keeps me locked away, isolated in my own fortress of mistrust.

"Why are you helping her, who is perceived as a monster?" I heard the question echo from a distance.

"Please, pull the trigger!" my inner self screamed, desperately pleading for an end to my miserable life.

"Maybe things could be different in another life." I whispered, using my last strength.

-D-