acotar one shots

what you mean to me

A follow up to the last one. It doesn't make sense with the timeline of a court of silver flames but I wanted to write it anyways.

Let men be soft!!! And let men show platonic physical affection!!!

Obstacles - Syd Matters

***

Azriel's knock sounded on the door and Rhys took a deep breath before calling, "come in."

Azriel appeared and, judging by the energy of his shadows, was not feeling entirely calm himself. He sat in the chair across from Rhys and crossed his arms.

"Azriel," Rhys started, but he was cut off.

"Before you scold me, I would like to say that I have given you no reason to do so. I have stayed away from Elain and in case you didn't notice I didn't even sleep at the River House on-"

"Azriel," Rhys tried, moving from behind the desk to lean against the front of it. Azriel did not listen, continuing with his monologue.

"-Solstice night. And I'm pretty sure Elain hates me now and at some point I'd like to have the chance to apologize to her-"

"Azriel," Rhys said a third time, a little louder.

Azriel flinched as Rhys brought his hand to rest gently on his brother's cheek. It was a gesture not completely foreign between them, but it was something Rhysand had not done in a long, long time.

That flinch broke Rhysand's heart. Shattered it into a million pieces. He slid his hand under Azriel's chin and tilted his head upward. Azriel's eyes met his own and Rhysand broke further at the sight of all the hurt swimming in them. At the bracing for more hurt. Azriel's body was impossibly tense, like an instrument strung so tightly one jostle would cause the strings to snap.

"Azriel," He said in a tone soft and tender, "You are deserving of love."

"That's a bit contradictory," Azriel swallowed, voice taut.

"I was too wound up by my own problems to communicate things as delicately as they deserved. As you deserved," Rhysand said.

Azriel melted into his brother's touch and said nothing.

"I'm sorry, brother. You deserve all the love in the world. I want you to have it. But I want you to have it with someone you don't have to risk your life over."

"I know you were right," Azriel whispered. "I know that. But my mind told me to fight for it. To fight for her. And that if I lost my life over it, it would be worth it."

"Not to me," Rhysand whispered back.

They stayed like that for a long moment. Azriel had been sucked back in time. Back before so many terrible things had happened. When softness was so abundant it was expendable. When those three brothers lavished love and care on each other all the time. Bolstered by each other, they were invincible. Their childhood wounds had started to heal, before life cracked them back open and made them permanent.

"You deserve all the love in the world," Rhysand said again. "I know sometimes I forget to tell you what you mean to me. But there are no limits to what I would do for you."

He was remembering those same days, sleeping in his big bed together to stave off nightmares. Always willing to defend each other to the very end, whether they were right or wrong. It was all so complicated now. Rhysand almost wished for those days again, just for the simplicity of it all. When they weren't children anymore but life had not truly started yet either.

"I want to believe you," Azriel whispered, his eyes glistening.

He knew that Rhys would do anything for him. He proved it over and over. It was his worth that he questioned, and Rhysand knew it too. There was a constant push and pull with the darkness that tugged at him. A faucet of self-loathing that needed constant monitoring to stay closed.