Under the same sky

Thinking out loud

Our bus pulls up and Becky starts to get into the bus. I feel scared all over again. I want to tell her but I'm scared and I don't know where to start. I push my bag against the wall to make space for her to sit down. She smiles and sits down beside me.
I have the paper in my purse but I'm not sure I want anyone to read it anymore. Suddenly I remember something I have to tell her.
"Becky?" I begin hesitantly. She looks up from her tablet and gestures for me to continue. "Well you know how we were supposed to make a movie for social studies on tourism over the break?"
She nods.
"Well, we were doing our one based at the blue creek cave. But the only person who we knew who had been there was Jon, so he was our... guide. But he took Cameron. Yes. As in your ex boy friend Cameron."
I pause to look closely at her. I have her full attention now.
"But the entire time we were there, Jon kept trying to set Cameron up with Ariseli. And then when we were leaving on bikes, Cameron and Ariseli were way behind us and Jon kept telling me, you aren't gonna tell Becky anything right? I just thought you should know because you and Jon are close and Ariseli is practically your best friend. You gotta talk to Jon hun."
She looks at me for a long time before saying anything. "I knew it was her. Jon called me the other night and was telling me about it. He said Cameron was with my own friend. He wouldn't tell me anything else, but I had a feeling he was talking about her."
I feel like that had just backfired. I was trying to show her that Jon is a backstabbing ass, and now she thinks Ariseli is. Crap. Before I can say anything, our bus has pulled up and Becky is shooting out the front door. "Sweet freedom!" She yells.
"Yeah.. Freedom. Inside prison." I say sarcastically.
We make our way to the front of our class and drop our bags. Now that I am done talking to her about that, I am thinking about Jordan agin. I miss him so much, but I am dreading seeing him today.
"Zoe! Did you ever finish your biology lab?" Nathan is holding his lab book open to a drawing of an animal cell.
"Um yeah, I don't know. Later." I mutter distractedly. I need to find Kelsy. Okay... Food, food, food... I scan the different taco stands and small stores scattered randomly across our campus. Aha! I spot her in front of O.W. Taco stand holding a huge plate of tacos, a sprite and a cupcake.
I jog over. "Hungry much?" I say eyeing her mountain of food.
"Very much!" She says shoving half the cupcake in her mouth. "Would wou wike a thaco?" She asks, her mouth full.
I pick one up in response. Delish!
"So, how was your break?" She asks me.
"Ummm... Bad." I admit.
"How so?" She asks, momentarily pausing from her munching.
"Well... Me and Jordan broke up." I choke on the words, and I know if I keep talking I will cry again. "Wait till we get into class, I wrote a bible. I will let you read it." She nods silently.
"I lost my appetite." She says sadly.
"Well! I've accomplished something!" I say trying to look on the bright side.
She manages a meek smile. "Don't worry about Jordan hun! " She says. "You are too good for him."
She grabs my hand and drags us off towards our class. My teacher has already opened the door so I grab my bag and claim a chair.
Kelsy drops her bag in the one beside mine, and sits in the one in front of me. She turns around in her seat and looks at me. I sigh and pull the paper out of my purse and hand it to her. She pounces on it like a cat with yarn, and quickly unfolds it. She rolls it out on her desk and begins to read. Occasionally she looks at me sympathetically. When she is done she takes out our shush book. We call it our shush book cuz we gotta keep shush about the things we talk about in it. She begins to scribble like a madwoman.
Finally she passes it back and I begin to read.
Zoe,
Take a look in the mirror hunnie. Your looks are to die for. Your personality is the bomb! You can dance, sing, draw... You are a walking goddess. He is missing out. And you know this! Man!
I can totally picture her doing that last part with a accent like smokey, from the movie Friday. I can feel tears in my eyes but I don't care. Crying makes me feel better. It calms me down. Kelsy passes the paper to Ronesha who is sitting to the back of the class.
A few minutes later she taps my shoulder and passes me the shush book.
Zoe! Holy shit! What happened!? Are you ok? Can I castrate him? I swear that nigga gonna wish he was dead! Just say the word and his head has a place on my wall. Ahhh... I feel so pissed. He gonna die today!
Well, at least she has my back. Even though me and him have been through a lot of shit, I would never ever wish Ronesha on him. Even though she is tiny, she is wired like a man. She will knock your lights out now, ask questions later.
And even though Jordan is like twice her size, and does boxing, I don't doubt her ability to kill him.
I write back and pass her the note.
No hun... It's ok. I'll get over it. Even if I want to take a bottle of night time pills right now, and go to sleep permanently.
I hear a startled choke behind me... She gives me a WTF? Look and I shrug. Then the tears come. Like water slides. Francine and Becky, who have read the paper by now, see me and come over. Francine hugs me, and I cry uncontrollably into her shirt.
"Zoe... You'll be okay sweet heart." She says trying to console me.
It just makes me cry even more. He used to call me sweet heart. Just then, our history teacher walks in. I wipe my eyes quickly, and try to look normal.
"Try not to look unhappy, or she will send you to see the counselor," Becky warns me. I get shivers just thinking about it. The counselor is a big scary lady. When I was like twelve, I had to see a therapist, for depression issues, but she was a lot nicer than this lady. This lady loves knowing every ones business. Why can't she mind her own?!
I nod and force a smile, even though my eyes are puffy and red.
Ariseli holds my hand and smiles sympathetically.
"Okay class," our teacher, Ms. Kina says dropping a stack of books on her desk "where did we leave off before the break?"
"Umm, I think we were doing the places of worship for religions indigenous to the Caribbean." Skye answers looking through her book.
I nod and silently drift off into a little corner inside my head.
I am jostled back into reality at the end of the session as everyone makes a stampede for the door.
I get up and go to look for Diamond. I spot her in the cafe looking through her purse for something.
I walk up and hug her from behind. She spins around, sees me and hugs me back.
"What's up?" She asks
I look up at the ceiling. "You want me to answer that?"
She punches me in the arm and I laugh. "So what did you do for the Easter break?" I ask.
"Ooh! I went to daddy's club!" She squeals. Lord child! "They had a bubble party... Which sucked cuz I had just flat ironed my hair and all the curls came right back. But it was awesome!"
She looks at me closely. "You okay?"
"Not really... Me and Jordan broke up last Monday." I say trying not to cry.
"Oh. Well as I was saying, the bubble party was awesome! You should've come." She continued like nothing had happened.
I wanted to smack her upside her head. Child. Your supposed best friend just broke up with her boyfriend! Have a little compassion. You are suppose to ask me if I need anything. Not ignore me.
I force a smile. "Hey I gotta get to class! I've got shit to do." I lie.
"Okay. See yah later!" She waves me off.
I am barely inside the dour when the tears come. Pouring. Not stopping. I put my head down on my desk and cry. Not caring who can see me.
The buzzer rings and everyone shuffles back into class and sits down.
Kelsy sees me crying and hugs me. "Muffin?" She asks passing me one. I take it and put it on my desk.
*~*~*~*~*
The next three sessions go by in a blur. I'm not even sure what we got. Finally the buzzer goes off and it is lunch time. Gosh I'm starving! Whenever I am depressed, I eat a lot. Luckily I have really high metabolism, so I never get fat. Me and Kelsy do... And dayum she eats a lot!
Even though I could, I don't feel like going to see Diamond after this morning. She always does that. If it's not about her, she doesn't care.. And it really pisses me off. I don't have time for that right now.
"Zoe, you want me to get you anything to eat?" It's Kelsy.
"Umm, I want three dollars garnaches, a bread pudding and a watermelon shake." I say giving her a ten dollar bill.
"It's on me cutie pie!" She says, and then leaves. She returns a few minutes later with my food. Dayum I'm hungry...
I lift a garnache to my mouth but before I can take a bite, I see Louis. Jordan's friend. Who he doesn't actually like but can't manage to get rid of.
"Zoe!" He says grinning "you still with Jordan?" A few of the guys behind him snicker. I roll my eyes. "Nope." I answer. So he is already telling people... Suddenly I don't feel hungry anymore. "So what he said is true then?" Louis asks casually "that he dumped you?"
I am tired of Louis' shit. But I can't say anything. I have a lump in my throat, and tears are burning my eyes. Ronesha sees my face and gets up.
"Louis! Go to your own class and mind yo own dayum business. Go on! Start moving! I'm waiting..." She cracks her knuckles impatiently. Even though she comes to my chin, she is very intimidating.
Louis laughs and heads off towards his class. Probably to tell Jordan what just happened. I stand up, but before I can go inside, Becky has grabbed my arm and is dragging me off toward the bathroom. She stops outside of it, and looks at me.
"Have you seen the way Ariseli is acting? Usually she would come hug me and say good morning, but today she has barely said a word to me. She is so guilty of something."
I don't know what to say. "Um- yeah..." I stammer.
"And Jon came and told me that when you were there Ariseli was flirting with Cameron." She continued "even though we aren't together anymore, and I have Asher, I hate this. I can't believe Ariseli would do this to me."
I know how her situation feels, except for the fact that she isn't actually in that situation, just thinks she is. I want to comfort her, but I also want to tell her that Jon is the one in the wrong. Not Seli.
"I think you have to talk to Jon." I say
"You're right. He can tell me exactly what is going on with Ariseli." She nods.
"No! I mean Jon is being an ass. He is lying. You have to talk to him about it. Cuz he can't come up in here and turn our class upside down like this." I shake my head.
I want to say more, but Becky's bestie, Francine arrives on the scene. "What's going on?" She asks pushing herself between me and Becky. I nod toward Becky, who quickly fills her in on the details. I know they are BFF and all, but sometimes, Francine is too controlling with Becky. No one is allowed to know anything if she doesn't know. If you hug Becky, she has to hug her too. Sooner or later Becky will get tired of it.
I sigh, turn and leave.
*~*~*~*~*
"So... Who is part of this pantomime?" Francine is holding a paper and looking at our class. I look at Kelsy and Ronesha and we all raise our hands. So do Jon, Nathan and Everaldo. She nods. "And from the science class we have Delia, and the twins."
"Everyone in the pantomime, let's meet under the cafeteria in ten minutes to talk." Mrs Linda says to us. We nod.
Ten minutes later we are all seated in the cafe. Francine passes me the paper and I stand up to read it out loud.
"Okay, so our pantomime. A young girl finds out that she is pregnant. She tells her boyfriend. At first he is excited but then he gets scared when he realizes that he has to talk to her parents. Finally she convinces him to do it. Together they go to her parents house. Her mother and father are furious and kick her out of the house. Scene two, she is talking to her friends at her new house when her boyfriend comes in. He kicks her friends out and begins to yell at her. He beats her up. She packs her stuff to leave, but he begs her to stay. Finally she agrees. Then he leaves. When he comes home, she hasn't cooked so he beats her up again, and leaves her on the side of the road to die. At first a business woman passes, sees her beg for help and continues. Then a preacher passes. When the preacher sees the woman, she does the sign of the cross, and walks faster. The girl lies down and dies a moment later. The business woman passes again, sees the girl dead and calls the police who go to the girls parents and tell them. They come and identify the body. Scene three, is a funeral procession. Everyone is crying. The song we will play when she is telling her boyfriend that she is pregnant is Thinking out loud, Ed Sheeran. When she tells her parents, it's some song. Something flowers. When he beats her up, it's love the way you lie, Rihanna and Eminem. And we don't have one for the end yet." I finish, out of breath and tired.
Francine begins to write down names for each character. She of course, is the main character. Jon is her dad, Delia is her mom. Everaldo is her boyfriend. Becky and Ronesha are her friends. One of the twins, Kyla, is the business woman. The other twin, Kayla, is the pastor at the funeral.
Finally everyone is has their part so we go back to class. I see Becky talking to Seli. She looks mad. I decide to leave them be. Maybe this wasn't such a bad day though...
*~*~*~*~*
Becky, Nathan and I walk to wait for our bus together. We stand with our backs against the building and wait. Becky and Nathan are deep in conversation about something, but my thoughts are too occupied for me to join in. I see Jordan on the other side of the road, sitting with some of his friends. Sitting exactly where he and I used to sit every day. I feel a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. You don't change at all do you Jordan!? He is laughing and talking about something. I wish I was over there right now. With his arm around me like it used to be. I turn around so if he looks, he won't see me crying, and it will look like I'm having a good time. I put my arm on Nathan's shoulder and laugh along with them. I wish the laugh could extend past just my face.
As the buses pull up, Jordan jogs over to catch his bus, which has inconveniently parked in front of me. I see Jon hug Ariseli.
"I see how it is!" I hit Jon.
He laughs, and turns around. He wraps his arms around my shoulders and hugs me. Jordan looks at us out of the corner of his eye and looks hurt. Mission accomplished.
"I didn't want to, cuz your boyfriend is right there." Jon whispers in my ear.
"That's why I wanted you to hug me. Cuz he ain't my boyfriend no more." I smirk.
Jon laughs at me. "You're something else hunnie!" He says just loud enough for Jordan to hear.
"Anyways... I'll see you tomorrow." I say as my bus pulls up. Jon delivers me to the bus door and I climb in. Becky and Nathan come in behind me laughing and shoving each other. Nathan takes his seat at the back, and Becky drops down beside me. I place my head down on the seat in front of me, and let the tears come. Becky puts her hand on my shoulder and massages my neck. I feel like screaming. Not in pain. In frustration. He is just so damn blind sometimes.
The bus stops and Becky leaves. I sigh and place my head against the window. I slowly drift to sleep.
I wake to Nathan shaking my shoulder violently... "Wake up babes!"
"Huh? Oh... Yeah. Um.. I'm up." I stammer trying to wake myself up. He chuckles and picks my bag up for me.
"Well you ain't exactly sleeping beauty are you now?" Dustin laughs
I roll my eyes, and finger comb my hair into a knot on top of my head. It's about as attractive as it sounds, but right now I'm tired. Plus I'm going home, not Americas next top model.
Nathan drops me in front of my house.
"Later opossum!" He shouts behind me.
"Sure armadillo!" I yell back.
We both laugh.
"Heller mom!" I say, walking into the kitchen. She is mixing stuff together in a big mixing bowl. "Whatcha making?" I ask, pinching some and pushing it in my mouth.
She hits my hand. "Peanut butter raisin cookies. Now shoo!"
"Sir yes sir!" I say saluting. She sighs as I leave.
I drop my bag on my bed, and pick up my phone. Three texts.
One from Ronesha... Heyyyy! Sexeyyy Ladeyy!
I laugh and text back. Boo! Did I scare yah?
Next one is from my cousin Halie... Hey... I just wanted to know if you are still on for bridesmaid rehearsals on Saturday...?
I shoot her back a quick yes.
The last one is from Jordan... How's life?
How is life? You have gotta be kidding me. Never been better. I text back, feeling bitter.
I turn my phone off and jump in the shower. The cool water on my back makes me feel better.