Death Note GV - [revised]

Chapter 22 [L's chronicles through a diary -4-]

~~Timeskip~~

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Tuesday November 1st, 1994

I ran. I don't know what my destination was, but I had to run away. The hallway was dimly lit with the only light being bulbs. The walls faded. Misty. As if they had to be painted for over ten years. They had framed photos of me and that monster -because he's not a human- in moments I don't even want to remember. It seems no other kid my age had the appropriate body anatomy to satisfy his tastes. Since my own body is suitable, he used me.

No respect for something only I fully own! Especially when he is an adult and should have known better! John is everyone's saint. It's not possible for him to act this way. Of course, it's not! When you wear the angelic mask that hides your devilish face, you'll obviously fool others too! He revealed his true self only to me... So that others won't believe me in case I try to denounce him. A real Dracula who drank my blood. That's what he planned to do at that moment!

Finally, I left the corridor and found myself in a large room similar to an abandoned house. I tried to find a door, a piece of furniture anything that would help me escape this monster at last! But it was completely empty. Not a single piece of furniture or life in this house. Another light bulb caught my attention and then a shadow entered the room. My heart sank.

Suddenly something dragged me towards the shadow. I didn't know what it was but judging by the touch alone, felt cold and metallic. When my feet got tied up, I realized they were chains. They rattled while trying to set me free.

"Don't get up for my sake, good boy. I may not see you but I can hear your teeth grinding. Are you surprised to see me? Come on... It won't hurt one more time. I promise."

I couldn't cry aloud for help. As if my mouth had been gagged. It's that feeling in your dreams where you strongly want to call for help... But you're just unable to do that. It's horrible... He lustfully looked at my pants ready to pull them down and start what still is familiar after almost three years.

And then I woke up drenched in sweat. If am not mistaken, it was around four in the morning. It might have been just a nightmare, but it felt so realistic, that a few minutes after, I felt like John was hidden in the room. I even turned on the light and found myself searching in the wardrobe and under the bed.

What the hell am I doing at a time like this? John is already in prison! I tried to calm myself down.

So instead of thinking about it, I went to sleep again. But I couldn't, even with the lights turned off. Tears filled my eyes at some point, but I held back. Why? Quite simply am a man. Men never shed tears!

This isn't the first time I've seen a nightmare with John as a protagonist. Besides, it's not even the worst. I remember another one which wasn't particularly terrifying, but at the last moment just before my eyes opened, I heard the name John. No ghosts, no bogeymen. Just his name. I had a palpitation, which made no impression at all. Undoubtedly there's something wrong. Even though my suffering with John is over, my mind and body repeat it all over again. It's experienced intensely from the beginning... As though never happened. As if John lives inside of me.

At times like this, I pant and my stomach knots. There's fluttering in my chest as if a bird is hidden inside my heart. I try to control it but tears start to run down my cheeks, and it's taking me a long time to recover... That's the least of it, however. The worst effect is that I can't approach the field during practice, and prefer to watch the other classmates playing from afar. I don't dare to pace any further, even when I know there's no danger... And it's all John's fault!

Long ago I remember offering John a basketball ball for his birthday to honour him for being an "excellent" teacher. Now he repays me twice. Firstly with everything he did to me and secondly with constantly reminding me of it. That's so sweet of you, John! Thank you so much! I'll make sure when I'm a little older, to find a similar gift for you. For instance... What if I publicly depraved you while you were taking a bath? Or better yet send you to the electric chair. You don't have complaints, do you? They're the best birthday gifts! I would suggest the second one because arguably it has all the luxury a person like you would wish for: Pain. So much luxury in one word! It would be fair enough for you!