to my destiny 💫

008.

[cole's point of view]

after courtney left, i cleaned up inside and changed before dinner. i wasn't sure what we were doing, but mom had mentioned earlier on in the day that we were going out to celebrate alex, jackie, and danny being home. from what will had told me, i didn't even know how we had the money.

i saw jackie walking towards the stairs when i walked out of my room and said, "hey, jackie, wait," and quickly caught her arm before i could lose her again. she sighed and looked at me with exhaustion. "what?"

"look, i just wanted to say i'm sorry no one told you about courtney. i didn't even know you were coming home, and she wouldn't have been here if i had. what happened before-- you know, with the teapot and in the garage-- it was a mistake. i shouldn't have done anything at all, and i'm sorry if i messed anything up between you and alex. you don't have to worry about me anymore. i'm not the same guy i was before you left, and i want you and alex to be happy. i want you guys to be at peace as a couple," i said as quickly as i could.

she made a face, and i knew i'd said something that caught her off guard. "what are you talking about? alex and i aren't even dating. we took a break over the summer, and the last thing i need is to restart a messed up relationship with him."

i raised an eyebrow and asked, "you're not dating? are you sure about that? 'cause alex seems pretty keen on the idea. guys don't just call their friends that are girls 'babe', jackie." 

she rolled her eyes. "yeah, obviously. i still have to talk to him about it. i just didn't want to the first night he came back." i nodded. "okay, i guess that makes sense. but what did you mean about restarting a messed up relationship? i told you, i'm not getting in your way."

jackie nodded. "yeah, i know you said that, and i actually believe you this time. i just... don't think alex is the guy for me anymore. too much has happened." 

"what do you mean 'not the guy for you'?" i asked. "i don't know if you've realized it, but he'd literally do anything for you, jackie. i wish i had seen that earlier on. i wouldn't have gotten in the way if i had realized just how much he cared about you."

jackie squinted back at me. "you really don't make things easy. i'm not ending things with him because of how much he does or doesn't care about me. i just don't care about him the same way, and it's not fair to do that to him. besides, my mind is on a lot of other things anyways."

"ah, i see," i said with a nod and a little smirk. "princeton is still your number one. you're not letting a guy get in your way."

she laughed out loud. "that's definitely not what i was talking about, but sure. princeton matters a lot to me too."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

[alex's point of view]

after dinner, jackie and i took a sunset walk around the farm and just talked about life. her goals hadn't changed much, and mine hadn't either i guess. i just wanted to focus more on training to possibly become a professional rider. she was very supportive of that.

when we got back to the house, she looked up at me nervously and smiled. "hey, do you think we could go somewhere and just talk?" i smiled back. "yeah, of course. do you wanna go back inside? it's gonna get dark pretty soon." she nodded, and we decided to head to my room because we knew no one would bother us since nathan was out on a date with skylar.

"so, what's on your mind?" i asked as we sat down, facing each other on my bed. 

jackie looked around the room at my walls and heaved out a heavy breath before saying, "alex, there's no easy way to say this. i want to explain my reasoning to you first so you don't take anything the wrong way."

i nodded and narrowed my eyes, trying to concentrate. "okay. that sounds good. i'm sure whatever it is, we can work through it together."

"you want to become a professional rider. that's incredible! you have things to focus on right now, and the last thing i want to be is a distraction. i have things like princeton and actually getting comfortable here with how much everything has changed. obviously, you shouldn't be a distraction for me either. and... i hate to say this, but i know it's true. you have given me so much love, alex, and i just don't have the same kind of love to reciprocate to you. you're an intense lover, and that's beautiful and life-altering, but i'm not the girl for you. so... what i'm saying is i think this break should turn into a long-term break up," jackie revealed.

i blinked repeatedly, trying to process what i'd just been told. "so-- you don't love me. that's why you couldn't say at the wedding. you never felt the same for me. it's always been cole, hasn't it? have i always been this blind?! were you two always hiding something from me?!"

"no!" jackie exclaimed right away, and that's how i knew she was lying. "no, i promise that me breaking up with you has nothing to do with cole. he's super happy with courtney, and i'm happy for them. i just don't think that you're the guy for me."

i shook my head. "you know, i know you have feelings for cole. you're too bad of a liar. i know he has feelings for you too. he just wants you to think he doesn't, and that's why he's dating courtney. if you don't tell him that you still have feelings for him, i will."

"alex, stop! i don't have feelings for cole! i just don't think that you and i are meant to be together!" jackie exclaimed.