The Annoying Dreamer and the Artistic Doubter

Manufactured Honesty

Better to come clean. "Royal thought you'd tell me since the new girl probably wouldn't know much about them," hoping he wasn't mad.

"Oh," sucking his teeth. "She wanted to play matchmaker didn't she? Oh well," snickering. "I'll figure something out."

The train stopped, citing service issues.

"You don't like her? Seems like she cares about you."

"Four reasons: one, we would break up in weeks and figure we'd be better as friends. Two: half of her lowkey friends would laugh if I died. Three: that's who she is, she'd be the final girl of a slasher movie, the only person in the friend group with a shred of human decency."

"Fourth?"

"I'm like a fifty-fifty intro/extrovert. She's ten/ninety. I like her energy, but I want someone who matches mine. Plus, I feel like she cares about me more than my friends do."

"But what about your group?"

"Mecole only talks to me about homework. Blanca's a sponge who doesn't give a shit. Mace is great, but he's closer to Tilly and Gayle, and Tilly's too much of a pick me."

"She can't be that bad."

"Girl slut shames ace girls and even girls here who actually like her behind their back!"

"Maybe she's jealous."

"I told her about an acquaintance who finally stood up to my middle school bully in front of the dean no else would since he'd fight guys and girls and hide behind his PTA daddy. Her response? Oh did she do it for attention? He punched a girl into a locker once!"

"Oh shit. Are you okay?"

"Ehh don't worry, the eighth graders got tired of his shit and beat him up. It just took a while for people to notice I wasn't going to be his only target when I fought back. No one cares until they get hurt too."

"And your guy friends?"

"In other classes. Last year was a free for all locker room brawl every day. The guys let Zumel and Keegal lead that all the time, and Mace was in a separate class."

"So you're even demi in terms of friendships?"

"Yeah," laughing. "Demi-friend-usal? That works. But still, my male friend count is low, and most of my female friends each have flags more red than the Confederate one dipped in ketchup and hot sauce." He sighed. "I'm surrounded and half the time it feels like I'm alone."

Those words transported Camila into another realm, one where she constantly begged for the violence to end, drowned out and pushed aside constantly.

"Camila, you okay?"

She snapped out of it, finding her tears on his arm.

"It just brings up bad memories."

Her eyes reeked of turmoil and tension he hoped his hands could loosen.

"You don't have to talk about it. But I don't want anyone else to feel closed off, or taken advantage of: especially not the new girl."

"You wanted to look out for me?"

"It's not the only reason," scratching his head. "When I'm with you, I don't care about what other people think. So if anyone tries to make you fall, I'll pick you back up."

She checked her cheeks, feeling light.. "Wow, thanks." That's something you only say to someone you like!

"Plus, if I lie about my preferences and type, I keep my friends and potential partner out of the gossip range as long as they don't fit the description. Even Royal doesn't think it's you, right?"

"Wait, that was to protect me too?"

"Worked just like a charm. You don't need to be a pariah for their entertainment. So ask away."

"Then what kind of girl is your type?"

"Whoever matches my energy, I guess. They just have to care about me the same way. Your ideal guy?"

"I guess, one who makes me feel like I belong," flustered. "I know that sounds basic, but."

"It's fine! The bars in hell for us both!"

"Well that's one way to look at it. But you should talk to Royal. Just because her other friends aren't fond of you doesn't mean she's not."

"Fair point. I'll try to figure out how to tell her tomorrow."

As the train resumed moving and passed the next stop, a thought popped up.

"Couldn't you have gotten off at Hoyt and taken the C to transfer to the S, then two train instead?"

"Crap, you're right! But a straight ride, versus that, versus the bus, which one would be the faster way home?"

Camila put up three fingers in intrigue. "Why not see which of the three is faster next week? Put a stopwatch or just time it."

"Huh, that's a great idea. You're a genius."

She snickered. "Can you call my mom and tell her that?"

"Why not tell your dad I said it so she'll believe him?"

She gasped. "That'll work!"

"Your mom sounds more strict than mine."

They sighed. "Moms are too strict," they said at the same time, chuckling when the train stopped at Nostrand.

"We'll try the A line first, so I can ride with you. Remind me, okay?"

"Promise."

The next week, Camila had arrived earlier to school than usual, spotting Royal talking to Silas, waiting until he came over to her. 

"Glad you two are still friends. So you said she was the girl?"

He shook his head. "That would be rude. So I told her how I felt, she'll tell everyone that it didn't work out and I'm not in the mood to talk about it. Keeps them guessing and shuts it down."

"Great." He was looking away from her. "So why do you look so off?"

—

"Si, there's not one girl you like here?"

"Majesty forgave me and we talked, and Taheirah was only faking it. Everyone's gonna be doing it in their circles and the upperclassmen are like family to me."

"What about Camila?"

"Her? Yeah, she's fun, sweet, and we vibe, but she's not into me like that."

"Silas, why not get to know her better? I see how you look at her."

"Even if that was true," dropping his mouth, "she could have a boyfriend."

"Ask. Open up, don't be blunt, and get to know her."

—

"Just curious. Do you have a boyfriend?"