You'll be mine

Grieving Over a Clown

Sigma POV

Fyodor had just left after telling me Nikolai had killed himself. He just told me that. That's all. Not the reason he did it, nor how he knew. But I know Nikolai wouldn't do that to himself...or would he...? Nikolai had always talked about wanting to be free, but I never knew he'd kill himself to 'be free'...

I just couldn't understand why Nikolai would do it, he was my source of comfort and swore he'd never leave me, yet now I'm all alone with nobody here for me.

I'm shaking with tears in my eyes, they're bloodshot and I look high from crying so much, I miss him so much... I know Fyodor was close friends with Nikolai but why didn't he feel sad about Nikolai's death?

Speaking of Dostoevsky, I don't feel safe around him despite being in a relationship with him. At first he seemed charming, but now I just feel unsafe and intimidated by him...

Fyodor POV

I have just gotten home after telling Sigma about Nikolai's death, I'm currently looking for recipes I could make with Gogol's flesh. I wonder if I could somehow make cookies for my beloved with Nikolai's corpse? Probably not...

I've been having Ivan bring me some books on psychology and how to make people get more attracted to you by manipulating and gaslighting them and one of the things it said there was to bake their favorite pastries. Still not sure how I'll incorporate Nikolai's corpse into the cookies but I'll make it work, I'll just use some of his blood that I already have stored in jars. The rest of his blood is with him in my freezer.

I began to make the cookie batter as I crushed up Nikolai's bones to put them in there. I poured his guts in the batter to make the cookies chewy.
This is all just to make my beloved feel less bad over Nikolai's passing, he can have part of him...

A picture of Nikolai hung from my kitchen wall as I made the cookies, the portrait still has his blood on it... I feel no remorse for killing my best friend, I'd do it again in every universe. There isn't a single universe where I wouldn't do that for my beloved.

What did Sigma ever even see in him?

Sigma POV

I fell asleep in my office, I haven't been able to leave after finding out about Nikolai's passing. Why did he have to leave me? It's dumb that I'm even mourning over him...

It makes sense that he'd kill himself, he said he wanted to be like a free dove and now he is, he's free from the cage of reality. So if he's dead, why do I feel so bad? I have this guy feeling that he didn't kill himself, Nikolai wanted freedom but I know he wouldn't try achieving it like that... Or would he?

Nikolai would always comfort me and ask about how I feel but he never talked to me about his problems. Is it my fault he took his life? I don't remember ever hearing him rant to me about his problems so maybe I have fault in this?

I should be feeling happy for him, not like crying over this crown just because he took his life. He's in a better place now, he's finally free. Perhaps in another universe I'll end up meeting him again, maybe we could even be more than just friends in that universe...

I want him back on earth more than anything right now- Well not to the point I'd sacrifice my casino for him but I do want him back... I can't wrap my head around the fact he's gone and not coming back...

Where's Fyodor when I most need him? I thought I could be safe around him but he left my casino as if he didn't care Nikolai's gone after he told me. But why doesn't he care? I know he was friends with Nikolai too but oh well, I guess everyone has their own way of grieving but...is it wrong to me to think Fyodor killed Nikolai...? He had blood on his sleeve when he told me about Nikolai's passing and his voice just sounded monotone when he told me about Nikolai, not sad and pitiful.

I'm considering breaking up with Fyodor but I don't want to leave him when I need comfort the most, maybe he'll be better. I just have some hope that he'll act more...loving towards me? He says he loves me but I feel like it's obsession rather than love.

I want to leave him but there's something holding me back, and I feel like I'd be betraying Nikolai in a way since he's the reason I'm dating Fyodor. He got us together but I sorta wish he didn't... I know I would've been happier if I just dated Nikolai...

Fyodor POV

The cookies for my dearest are almost ready, I put chocolate chips and sugar in them so Sigma-kun won't notice a thing~!! I don't know what I would do if I were to have Sigma-kun escape from my grasp, I'd probably have to kill him and myself~!! I can't imagine a life without him. That boy saved me...

I had installed cameras in Sigma's office last night when he was sleeping and I decided to check up on what my beloved is doing while the cookies bake in the oven. But, why is he crying? He shouldn't be crying, he should be happy that clown is out of his life and he can devote himself to me instead!! I'd never hurt Sigma-kun but right now I just wanna grab him by the neck and hand cuff him to my bed and make sure he never leaves... I wanna tie him up and trace a knife against his frail skin whenever he thinks of someone other than me.

I've already started working on a device that will allow me access his thoughts and even control them~!! Isn't technology just great~?

AN !!

So like ok I said I'd be quick at making new chapters but silly lil me got distracted and ended up making bots on c.ai so uhm that's mb 😓

Follow 'sigst4r' or c.ai if you wanna see more bots and dm me in discord if u have any bot requests 🤑

Word Count: 1072