documents

Getting therapy

February 24, 2024

so

A lot has happened in a month but that's the entire thing of this thing. To update and bring news to probably no one but I don't care. 

Late January I was at my deepest point and I've never asked for help in my entire life. This happened to me during the summertime, but I never asked for help, now that I realize it when I didn't ask for help I put it out on myself and unfortunately self-harmed and for 3 months I had scars on my arms and I hid it through long sleeves and I didn't want my parents to know I did it so I stayed in my room for most of the summertime.

It was hard and I thought after getting out of it I would never go back to that spot again. I lied. After 3 months I went back to almost the same thing but I wanted to do more rash things to myself. Even the smallest inconvenience to someone I thought it was my fault and I wanted to kill myself for making them feel bad. I also stopped eating but I'm still unfortunately dealing with that. I never actually tried attempting to kill myself because I wanted to die but I was too scared to try and do it.

Moving back to January I finally had enough courage to ask my mom about therapy and I wanted to try it. She said yes and she would look into it. I was kind of happy when she said it because I wanted help this time. I wouldn't be stupid and think that I can do this all by myself.

I haven't thought of anything else because of how bad of a state I've been in and I almost forgot to even write something this month until two days ago. The good news is I haven't done anything to myself and I'm not going to. That's basically what I'm gonna sum it up to so I can make things simpler for the people who are reading this right now. 

Moving on nothing else has been different besides getting therapy and being on medication. I still have no progression with my crush because I'm too nervous to say anything.

I'm gonna be doing a song of the month now and here's how it's gonna work. I'm going to choose a song for this month and it's always going to be at the end of my entry. I also might add some of my favorite lyrics but it's only probably going to be sometimes.

I'm sorry if this one is a little shorter than the other ones. I kind of feel like I need to do this right now or else I'll be late. -Gabe

The song of the month is: Carry Me Out - Mitski