Fighting a Feeling (a Phanfiction/other)

"PHAN IS REAL!!1! <33"

Hey guys, I decided to procrastinate and have a go at writing a bit more of the story! I'm sorry that this is so awful, I don't know whether I'm going to actually keep this or not yet, but I needed to see where I could go with the story, also I'm half asleep which doesn't help! Please leave feedback below so I know how I can improve it! Also a MASSIVE THANK YOU TO DevTheManiac for helping me come up with some ideas! Bye for now! - Zöe

I get into the shower, still shaking slightly as I think of Dan’s hands clasped around my waist, his slender fingers slightly digging into my side. I wish he would hold me like that again, and never let me go, to tell me he loved me and that he wanted us to spend the rest of our lives together. I sigh as the water drops hit me, masking the tear that fell down my face. I hated myself for feeling this way, I was sure he would never love me back, and yet I couldn’t help it. Even thinking about him was enough to make my heart ache. More tears followed the first and, losing all self-control, I started to cry.

“Phil?” Oh God.

“Phil are you alright? You’ve been ages! Also… there’s no more pancakes left, I ate them all” I laugh, my smile breaking my sobs.

“Yeah I’m fine” I say, my voice shaking slightly. “I’ll be out in a minute.”

“Alright” I hear Dan walk away, his footsteps becoming fainter. This was getting ridiculous. I couldn’t even make breakfast with my flatmate without crying for God’s sake! I needed to get a hold of myself; at this rate Dan was going to realise that I liked- no, that I loved him. And then how would he react? ‘Probably by walking out’ I mutter to myself as I step out of the shower, remembering my dream. Truth is, this isn’t the first time I’ve had that dream. I’ve been having it almost every night for the past six months, when I finally contemplated telling Dan how I felt. I try to put the thoughts in the back of my mind and got dressed; the usual bright t-shirt, dark skinny jeans and mismatching socks. I didn’t own a matching pair anymore; no matter how many pairs I bought I would always lose one of them, leaving the other one without its pair. I felt like one of those socks, left on my own, without a partner. I quickly put the stupid thought out of my mind and walk into my bedroom to dry my hair. I flop down on my bed, my damp fringe falling in front of my eyes. I flick it away impatiently as I pick up my hairdryer. I turn it on and start to dry my hair, thinking about what my next video could be about. Once it was completely dry, I unplug the hairdryer, swapping it for my hair straighteners. As they heat up I hear a knock on the door. Dan.

“Can I come in?”

“Uh, yeah sure…” I suddenly feel self-conscious, all the feelings from this morning flooding back. ‘I can’t keep doing this’ I think to myself, but what choice did I have? Risk losing Dan? I couldn’t, and I wouldn’t. Today just wasn’t the day. Dan sat down on my bed and put his hand on my knee. I nearly fainted at his touch.

“Phil mate are you sure you’re alright? I thought I heard you crying in the shower?” Oh no.

“I wasn’t crying!” I say a little too quickly. Dan looks at me, obviously noticing how quick I was to defend myself. Stay calm Phil. I force myself to keep looking at him rather than breaking eye contact as I usually would have, and smiled at him, desperate to show him I was okay. “I’m fine, really, but I can’t believe you ate all of those pancakes!” Dan starts to laugh.

“You know I can’t say no to Delia!” He says as he continues to chuckle. “I can cook some more if you want some.” he offers as he stands up, taking his hand off of my knee.

“No it’s okay, I’m going to go into town in a minute anyway, I need to get some new jeans. Do you want anything?”

“Oh, umm no I’m alright thanks.”

~ Dan POV ~

“No it’s okay, I’m going to go into town in a minute anyway, I need to get some new jeans. Do you want anything?”

“Oh, umm no I’m alright thanks.” I can’t help but be surprised at Phil’s question- we always went into town together, even when we lived in Manchester, but he’d made it perfectly clear he didn’t want me there. “I’m gonna go film my next video then, see you later…” I say as I walk out. I was confused. Phil had been acting really strange around me lately. Was it something I’d said? I think back to our conversations over the past few days. I don’t think I’ve said anything to upset him. I hate seeing him upset though. It was obvious he had been crying in the shower; Phil never was a very good liar. I want to cheer him up but I don’t know how. Deciding he needs some space, I plan to try and act normally around him until he’s ready to open up about whatever’s upset him.

I walk into my room and sit at my desk, opening my laptop. I go onto Twitter and scroll through my timeline, not paying much attention, until I see a tweet by someone called Zoeisonfire. [Alright don’t judge me I’m stuck for names so I’m using my own!] ‘Original name’ I think to myself as I begin to read the tweet. It read: “OMG PHAN IS REAL!!1! [Side note: I would NEVER tweet anything like this, it’s supposed to sound stupid!] There was a picture link on the tweet. I click on it and see a picture of me and Phil from one of our recent videos, looking into each other’s eyes. Normally these tweets just amused me; some of the tweets people tagged me in said the most stupid things, but I couldn’t help but stare at this one. I looked at the picture and grimace, noticing how obvious my feelings for him were. I was annoyed at myself for letting my guard slip. I was usually pretty good at covering up my feelings, but lately it was becoming harder. I wanted to tell Phil how I felt, I really did, but Phil was straight as far as I was aware, so what was the point? I shut my laptop lid and got out my camera and tripod, setting them up in their usual place. I clicked record and started to film, trying to not look as tense as I was feeling. I always felt anxious when filming a new video- I guess I was a bit of a perfectionist, but the tension I felt when filming was nothing compared to how I felt when I thought about telling Phil that I loved him. I force Phil to the back of my mind, focussing on what I was saying to the camera, but the thoughts kept coming back. I need to tell him.

~Phil POV~

“I’m gonna go film my next video then, see you later…”Dan walked out of the room. Great, now I’d upset Dan. That was all I needed! Deciding it would be too awkward to call after him, I continued to get ready, angry at myself for acting so stupidly.

20 minutes later I reached the bus stop. I sat down on the bench, my hair falling over my face as I looked at the pavement, trying to clear my mind. I hear a voice come from a few meters away.

“Phil?” I look up to see two girls standing a few feet away from me, with huge smiles on their faces. One of them gasps as I look up. “It is you!”. One of them runs up and hugs me. I stand up so I can hug her back properly. This was definitely my favourite part about being popular on Youtube- you could always rely on a fan or two to cheer you up! We break apart after a few more seconds, the girl’s eyes filled with tears.

“Hey!” I say to her as I smile. I look at the other girl, who was awkwardly standing a meter or so away, looking as though she wanted to say something but was too scared. “What are your names?”

“Mine’s Becky” the girl standing in front of me says.

“Awesome!” I look to the girl who hasn’t spoken yet. “And what’s yours?”

“I- I’m Katie” she says, blushing.

“Great name!” I say, trying to stop her from feeling so nervous. It seems to work. She comes up to her friend and I, suddenly smiling.

“Could we maybe get a picture with you? It’s just we’ve always wanted to meet you!”

“Yeah sure!” They each take turns on having their picture taken with me. As we look at them my bus pulls up. “This is my bus I’m afraid, but it was awesome meeting you guys!” I give them one last hug and step onto the bus, my mood improved. At least there were some people out there who loved me, even if they weren’t Dan. I sit down and put in my earphones and listen to Muse on full volume for the rest of the journey, Dan finally off of my mind. 

So, I'm guessing you see what I mean now! Still, a possible chapter is better than nothing, right?  Just another reminder to PLEASE VOTE AND COMMENT IF YOU ENJOYED IT AND HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS, and I'm sorry for it being so bad! >_<