Lost Time

By Her Side, at Last

Shawn's POV

I was just finishing the story about the wolf and that dumb little girl and granny in the forest when Solo and Kells finally came back with a wheelchair.

I didn't waste any time dropping the kids on my mother, so I could get out of this nasty hospital bed to visit my angel. Solo and Kells decided to stay here to give me some privacy with their sister, while Mama T helped me to Bey's room.

It's been now 30 minutes since I came into her room and I've just been sitting beside her bed, mute as ever. What could I say? The only woman who was ever able to have my heart, the mother of my children is now lying in front of me basically lifeless for no reason at all. These are the moments where I regret the many years we spent pretending to hate each other instead of confessing our real feelings. Only if we had more time together because Lord knows the last 10 years was just not enough. I know I should be grateful for what we already had, but I can't help but want more.

"Shawn Corey Carter do NOT think about my daughter like she's already dead! Do you hear the beeping? It ain't a flatline yet and it won't be for a very long time. You two will get that disgustingly cute 'get old together' story to the point where your children will be embarrassed and don't want to come around, but still do because they yearn the same. Now do me a favor and get yourself together." Mama T said and I did just that because she scares the shit out of me honestly.

"Hey Bey! I really hope you can hear me. I hope and pray for a lot of things, to be honest. For you to recover. For you to not feel any pain. For our children to get through this difficult time with not much damage to their mental health. For our family to find light in the darkness. I could go on and on about the things I hope and pray for, but these damn pain meds are kicking my ass already so I rather talk about something else." I paused and just looked at her for a minute.

"You're so beautiful, even though you look like shit right now," I said to lighten the mood and because I know how much she loves when I compliment her. She likes to pretend she's not all that, but she really is with a cherry on top.

"I'm so sorry. I tried to protect you, but I failed." I bowed my head. "But it was the first and last time I promise." I said as I linked my pinky with hers. "I'm gonna do my absolute best to take care of our children and your family as well until you come back to us, but it would be better if you'd just open your pretty eyes right now." I waited, but nothing.

"Okay, maybe you need a little more time, but I can wait a bit longer I guess." We sat in silence for a minute or two. "Should I remind you that I'm impatient my love?" I asked her playfully, but I only got an eye roll and a small giggle from my mother-in-law.

I gently caressed her face with one hand, while the other held hers. "I love you" I whispered to her over and over and over again, until I felt my eyelids slowly close as well.

"Mama, can you please take me back to my room? The pain meds are working their magic and I could really use a bed." I said to Mama T, who nodded her head in response. 

I said 'see you later' to my baby because it sounds more hopeful and kissed her hand because I can't really reach her face from this damn wheelchair.

When we got back to the room I immediately laid down after kissing each of my kids on the forehead. They were all sleeping on the little couch in my room. Mama T and Solange went to Bey's room so she wouldn't be alone, while Kells and my mama stayed here to look after the kids.

Several hours later, I finally woke up with a little groaning and moaning. That's all the confirmation I needed, that this indeed was not just a nightmare. The pain still wasn't as bad, but the meds started to wear off.