Fola's Diary

A lonely night in Fola's room

Here I am, 3:30 in the morning turning from side to side in my bed
My head's all cloudy and foggy
And I asked myself "is insomnia a part of my problems now"
This has been going on for days now
There's nothing to even think about
That numbness within,
I know I'm part of that big chunk of the society that suffers from mental illnesses
I don't even know which one it is
In fact I'm scared to know, I'm scared to put a name on my problems
I feel like if I do it never leaves, gets stuck with me like a gum stuck in hair
Some say "seek out for help that's the only way you can be better "
But when I do I get pitied, I don't want to be pitied
Or worse, my problem serves as a gateway for people to get in
Oh I didn't say?
Yes I built a bit of a fort wall or rather still defensive wall around me
Don't let them in, don't be in that vulnerable place
They say "Oh Fola I love your personality" and I'm like of course you will, it's yours
Cliche right?
I know but it's truly all that it is
They go "Oh Fola I miss you"
I say it's a 'I just met Fola syndrome'
Wait till you see how she runs away when she notices a sign of attachment from you
Oh she's long gone.
It is what it is right,
" No it's not, I mean you don't need to do all of these"She said
No I need to, I get angry when I get compliments
And she asked"isn't that supposed to be a good thing "
I say no!
Don't you know what that means
I'm vincible I don't get to hide in the crowd anymore
People see me, they do
And that peaked my anxiety
I'm always scared of that new thing someone walks up to me to say
"Oh you look bigger, you're now relaxing huh"
No I'm binge eating that's what it is
"Oh why do you look like that, are you sad"
Well yes but you shouldn't ask ,I think?
Well it has always been
A lonely night in Fola's room