Fola's Diary

A clogged drain

I burst open like a pipe under pressure
Soaking my pillow up before bed
The flush of memories
The feeling of being unwanted, useless and a mistake
They follow me everywhere, choking me to death
I just want it to end somehow, I don't think I care about how anymore
My thoughts are getting darker and I have no one to turn to
I want to rip my flesh off my body
I want to scream in the nothingness
Who do I run to, without being taken advantage of
I feel like no one genuinely care anymore
I'm stuck in a time loop, endless loop of few seconds joy and endless torture
I'm giving up and I wish I wouldn't have to think like that
I keep gaslighting myself into feeling better
Sadly it doesn't work all the time
I don't want people to see me broken because they leave once they do
No one wants a broken person
Back where I started alone
I want someone to tell me it will be fine
And not make me feel my pains are not real
It keeps echoing in my head
"No one is coming to save you"
I don't want to be alone in this darkness and nothingness
I fear that once I close my eyes it's all over for me
I tried to believe I'm worth something but I don't see it
Past traumas keep hunting me
I can't run from its grasp
The thoughts keep coming, I can't seem to stop it
I cry to the extent that I shiver and find it hard to breathe
I feel cold in the hot scorching Sun
I don't know how to feel, I'm getting numb
It's either I feel too much or I don't at all
Please put an end to it