Hawthorne Fanfics

Unhealthy form of relaxation

Grayson's POV.

I took a long drag of the cheep cigarette. The smoke burned as I sucked on the narcotic fumes. It felt good. In a weird, almost otherworldly way.

I had read on how relaxing it could be for people. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, I found out they were right.

When my work, swimming, sword fighting, and other things I do to relax myself and forget about all the hardship and drama in my life didn't work, I take to the cigarettes.

No one knew I smoked, and I intended it to keep it like that. Jameson was the family drunk. I didn't need my name getting thrown around as the family smoker.

But really, I wasn't. I knew how to control not just my emotions, but also my desires as well.

Smoking through three to four cigarettes a day was what my body craved. What I allowed was one. Sometimes two. It was hard, but I knew how to handle it.

I leaned back in the oversized, incredibly comfortable chair. I stared at the almost burned out end. Two more drags and it was gone.

I lit the burned out end, pulling all the smoke into my lungs. Savoring it like a dying man in need of water.

It felt good, for once, to just relax and do something I wasn't allowed to do. All my life had bee rules and if I was allowed to break them or not. Most of the time, I didn't get that pleasure. Now if it was Jamie...

I kept myself neat. Orderly. Obeying everything my grandfather had wanted for me. But he wasn't here anymore and I was no longer the heir apparent.

I don't know what hurt more: knowing I was never going to inherit all the fortune like I had been promised, or the fact that the person he had chosen to take over was a far better choose then I would have been.

Avery was everything and nothing what I thought she would be. Smart, kind, intelligent, sassy. She kept Jameson in line which none of us seemed to be able to do. She left all of us on our toes when she first arrived, but it was good. And I would never admit that out loud.

The clock chimed half past eleven when I contemplated the idea of bed. The book I had been reading was long forgotten as I had taken to mediating in my head everything and nothing.

I inhaled my last guilty pleasure for the night. Stubbing out the end, I hid the ash tray and packet of cigarettes in a secret cubby which even my brothers knew nothing about.

With a sigh, I dragged myself up out of the chair. It was time for bed. My unhealthy form of relaxation would have to wait till next time.