Spiraling back to You

Chapter 9 - Asking for Help

"It seems to be connected to great emotional turmoil."

"What?" Katsuki breathed, clenching his fists on his knees as he stared at the doctor, unable to look Izuku in the eye. Izuku, who was four years old and happily put a lollipop in his mouth after Isha examined him. Izuku, who was sitting next to him in this small office stacked with paperwork, swinging his legs back and forth because his tiny little feet couldn't touch the ground. It was his fault... Izuku had been getting younger because of him. He'd been putting Izuku through emotional distress all this time, triggering this fucked up de-aging quirk in the worst fucking way possible.

"That came out wrong," she said, frowning a bit. "It's more... Emotionally overwhelming? Any feeling will do it if it's large enough. You said he panicked before reverting back to a four year old, right? Can you imagine what happened right before the other changes?"

Katsuki's mind came up blank at first. The 8 year old version was easy to understand, Katsuki caused him to spiral into a panic that was sure to emotionally overwhelm him even as an adult. Then there was the middle schooler, who... Who had asked Katsuki whether he was dying. Who held up a brave face and smiled during their last day together. He seemed okay enough, but the thought of slowly decaying must've still been lingering in his mind. Katsuki couldn't possibly see any other explanation, even if he did seem happier after their talk. That could've been fake though. Izuku was a pro at acting like everything was fine when it was not.

Before that he'd been 15, he'd been a runaway forced to settle down with Katsuki. He'd wanted to get away, he'd cried and yelled and told him he'd never come back. That he'd rather stay away than share the burden. Katsuki talked to him, and he thought the issue was resolved, but the stress of it all must've caused another rewind. He thought back at the 18 year old, who had been happy to stay by his side. Who told him about his vision on their wedding and was excited to work as a pro hero. None of his emotions seemed to be pumped up, not in the way the others were, but he must've worried about the quirk accident all the same.

All of it had been Katsuki's fault. He should've known how Izuku would think, what he'd do. He knew him best, damnit! He should've predicted and anticipated and intervened sooner! He shouldn't have waited until Izuku had some kind of breakdown- Or he himself collapsed from the stress of it all. He should've monitored his boyfriend better, taken better care of him, made sure he was comfortable and happy and-

"Everything okay, Kacchan?"

His breath hitched, his eyes still trained on the desk in front of him, unable to look at the four year old dressed in clothes that were way too big for him.

"Can I ask you something, Izuku-kun?" doctor Isha asked, and Katsuki hadn't even realized when she kneeled down next to Izuku. "How does Kacchan make you feel?"

"Huh? How he makes me feel?" he repeated, a little confused. Katsuki wanted to interject, wanted to shut her and this stupid conversation up. Why the hell would this Izuku feel the same about him as all the ones that came before him? All the people he was yet to become, and might never be again. So much had happened since they were brats, so much had changed between them- "Kacchan is big and strong and amazing!"

No he wasn't. He'd broken down and acted irresponsible and-

"He's the best!" Izuku continued, fully believing those lies. "I guess he makes me feel safe? Like a hero!"

"Heard that?" Isha asked, directing her attention towards Katsuki again. "Don't beat yourself up about it, I'm sure it's not your fault."

"Then whose fault is it?" Katsuki snapped. "Izuku is getting worse by the fuc-fricking day and there ain't anything I can do to make him feel more at ease and I'm his freaking fiance!"