a pearl

ch.4: smoke.

hyunjin ran his hands through his hair with frustration and anger, he felt like crying as he desperately rummage through literally everywhere.

the stash of cigarettes were originally under his fucking bed but its fucking gone. the culprit was none other than kim seungmin his boyfriend and also roommate. hyunjin knew the two fought and seungmin got angry at him but seungmin doesn't have to do this.

"fuck," his tears rolled down his cheeks, "fuck! where the fuck is it?!" he cried, gripping his hair angrily before rummaging through his and seungmin's closet. he doesn't care if seungmin got angry or shit, he just needs his fucking cigarettes.

he knew he already promised to cut off his bad habit of smoking, but he keeps doing it over and over again, he needs it right fucking now.

its just how he copes with things that he can't control, he needs nicotine right now.

then, hyunjin heard the door click open, revealing seungmin who just came back from work. automatically, hyunjin ran to seungmin, grabbing his shoulder in desperateness. "seungmin, seungmin where's my cigarettes?" hyunjin asked, his eyes shaking trying to see his answers.

"i threw them away." seungmin said bluntly, his eyes empty and tired. they just talked for the first time after two days and this is how it starts.

hyunjin gulped and and shook his head, "no, no. seungmin... seungmin where is it? please, just- where did you-" his hands trembled and it goes up to his hair, gripping them tightly. "i told you, i already fucking threw it away. you wouldn't stop." seungmin said tiredly and hyunjin cried.

"this again! why do you fucking care so much?!" hyunjin screamed, his face red with anger and tears on his cheeks. seungmin was so angry, why does he care?

seungmin scoffed, "the fuck, hyunjin? why the fuck do i care? you're my fucking boyfriend, god damnit."

hyunjin sobbed, "min, p-please, please just once, please give it to me, you love me right? just one stick okay?" he begged desperately as he cried, making seungmin also wanting to cry right now.

hyunjin doesn't care about his health and he might die from fucking lung cancer if he didn't stop this stupid addiction of his. if its not seungmin taking care of his health, then who else?

"hyunjin," seungmin's eyes swelled with tears as hyunjin's hand balled on his shoulders, the emotions were so raw, seungmin don't think he can handle it, it hurts so bad. "hyunjin, please, i love you. i can't have you fucking dying from this shit you're addicted to," his voice trembly, almost begging at hyunjin and tears almost fall.

hyunjin doesn't understand about how hurt he was to see the person he love like this.

hyunjin shook his head, more fat tears leaving his eyes and he looks hurt by seungmin's words. he pushed seungmin away. "why?!" he screamed. "you don't fucking love me! you're angry at me and you wont let me do my fucking thing! fuck! fuck! i fucking hate you!" hyunjin cried, to deep in his anger he said things that directly stab seungmin's heart.

god, it hurts when seungmin listened to what hyunjin had said. it hurts so bad, he can physically feel it in his chest so he just nodded, looking to the side so he's not looking at hyunjin's face. he clenched his jaw and looked away.

some part of him doesn't believe hyunjin's words and think that its only hyunjin's anger talking but some part of him believed it because now, he felt like an asshole.

he doesn't know anymore, "don't search for me." he replied and turned his back to hyunjin before grabbing his phone and charger, putting it in his bag.

that time, hyunjin realized that he's fucked up. so fucked up. he sniffled, wiping away his tears, "w-wait, seungmin-" and seungmin left, slamming the door shut, leaving hyunjin alone.

that night, hyunjin cried and screamed, throwing everything he saw before crying himself to sleep with a glass bottle in his hand.