Whisper My Name

Chapter 7

January 29, 1992

Salem Police Department, Roman's Brady's Office

The Dust is gathering where I stand

Now I know there's a crack in this plan...

~ Break ~ Heart ~

"You're right. There's no other way. I've gotta leave," Roman said dejectedly, slamming his hand into the filing cabinet in his office at the Salem Police Department. Even when Chief Vaughn had mentioned it a few days earlier, Roman had hoped that it wouldn't come to this, but it had. There was a massive amount of guilt that came with that. Bo had warned him, but he'd raged ahead putting his whole family at risk. Leaving them behind to protect them would be his punishment.

Abe stared at him, his arms crossed over his chest, while he leaned on Roman's desk. He found it hard to believe that Roman was really going to leave his family. With a sigh he asked, "So how are you going to tell Marlena?"

Roman looked over at his best friend, feeling shame burn like acid in his gut as he replied, "I'm not." He wasn't going to tell her anything. He couldn't. She would beg, she would plead with him to stay, and he couldn't do that. The only way to protect his family now was to take himself out of the equation. Raffi Torres was after him.

"Are you crazy? There's no way in the world she's going to let you walk out on her!" Abe stared at Roman with wide eyes. After everything they had been through in the last few months, he was simply going to disappear. Roman had no idea what that would do to Marlena. He would destroy her and effectively end his marriage in a single moment, because Marlena would never forgive him.

"When it happens, she's not gonna know about it," Roman said, refusing to make eye contact with Abe.

Abe was surprised, and disappointed, in his friend, "You'd actually do that? Keep her in the dark?"

Roman finally looked up, catching the look of disbelief on Abe's face. Guilt slammed him. Bo had warned that it might come to this, and the way Abe was watching him only served to reinforce his shame. Roman felt himself becoming defensive. He was protecting his family for G-d's sake! Couldn't Abe understand that? "Come on, Abe, don't look at me that way! What? Do you think I've got a choice in the matter?"

Abe was quiet, still unbelieving that someone he called a friend would be willing to abandon his family by sneaking off in the night. He was upset because Roman had a choice. When Chief Vaughn took him off of the Torres case, when Bo had warned him that his persistence was problematic...Roman had the opportunity to make a choice that would take his family out of the line of fire, and allow the ISA to handle it, but he'd refused. Barely above a whisper, Abe said, "Marlena deserves to know the truth, Roman."

"Believe me, I'd love to be able to tell her the truth, but if I did that, I'd be putting her in danger! Now, I've got to protect her! Her, and the kids!" Roman argued. Even as the words left his mouth, they didn't ring true. The only reason she needed protecting was because he'd been too stubborn to admit he might be wrong. He'd been too stubborn to let someone else handle the Torres case.

"I don't know," Abe said. "This doesn't feel good to me. Roman, Marlena is proud. She's strong, and she's going to be angry that you made a decision of this magnitude without her. She's not the same woman she was in 1984." In 1984 Marlena might have needed protection. She'd had several years where everything was unstable. Her sister Samantha had her committed to a mental hospital while taking over her life. She'd been raped by Kellam Chandler. Her first child had died a crib death, and then her husband Don had cheated on her. All of that she'd survived by being strong, until Jake Kostichek had stalked her for months, finally murdering her sister. Maybe when Roman first came into her life she had needed someone strong to make decisions for her, but that had all changed. Roman knew nothing of her life after his death. She hadn't been that fragile woman anymore. On her own she had landed on her feet and built herself up again, and Roman had no idea.