Whisper My Name

Chapter 2

New Years Day 1992

John's Apartment

It hurts my heart so bad

Seeing you sigh and shake

Broken down so low, so sad

I can't let you break

~ Cry to Me ~ Heart ~

Carrie stared at the apartment door in front of her. It wasn't the safest neighborhood, but it was the address Anna had given her. Many would consider the fact that she referred to her mother by her given name as odd. It wasn't odd to Carrie. Anna had left her with her father at the age of four. She'd gone off to live her life of adventure with her husband, Tony. Carrie had only reunited with Anna in the past year. She'd been struggling with her father's...Carrie's stream of thought stuttered to a grinding halt. Her father? It was laughable. She'd been struggling with the fact that John had been trying to control her life, although, admittedly, she'd had complete freedom with Anna, and it wasn't what she'd expected. It was lonely.

Anna and Tony spent their evenings at fundraisers and galas. Carrie spent her evenings studying, and wishing she could suck up her pride and go back home to her family. She missed Sami and Eric. She missed pizza on Fridays, and pancakes on Sunday mornings. Maybe, she even missed her dad...John, being controlling and always in her personal business. Finding out that John wasn't her father completely derailed her. Anna had left her with strangers. That's what Roman and Marlena were to her from the moment she was dropped in Marlena's office. They were strangers.

When John came into her life, presumably her father with a new face, again her child's brain at the age of seven, felt abandoned. It didn't make sense. Her therapist in Paris told her it didn't need to make sense. Anna told her less than a week ago that her father, Roman, was back, and that John was nothing more than an imposter. She felt tricked, lied to...and yet again, she'd felt abandoned. No one bothered to deliver the news themselves. She'd not heard from Marlena, or this newly returned from the dead father. She'd not heard from John. The one person who should have been the first to call her.

Lifting her small hand to give him a piece of her mind, Carrie rapped on the door loudly, waiting for a response. There was none. She knocked again, and still nothing. Sliding to the floor next to John's door, Carrie started to cry. She'd never felt so alone in all of her thirteen years. She'd left Paris without even informing Anna. Carrie wiped the tears from her eyes as furiously as they fell, thinking about Anna. Her mother wouldn't even notice she was gone in all likelihood. Her fashion shows and trips to the art galleries kept her out late, and often, Carrie was out the door before Anna even woke the following day. No, Anna wouldn't notice for a while.

Dropping her forehead onto her arms, where they rested on her knees, Carrie hiccupped, unable to stop the tears from falling. She didn't know where she belonged, and the one place she wanted to be, with John, wasn't even hers in the first place. He wasn't her father. She belonged nowhere. She barely remembered Roman. When she thought about Marlena she felt a warmth in her heart, but still she was confused. Five years Marlena had been gone, and she didn't understand any of it.

Down the hall, John shuffled the brown paper bag full of groceries into one arm while he fished for his keys in his pocket. Next to his apartment door, he nearly tripped over something, or from the grunt he heard, someone. Glancing down, all he saw was the tear streaked face of someone he loved with his whole heart. "Carrie! Oh, my G-d, Carrie! What are you doing here?"

He dropped his groceries near his feet, and moved to kneel down beside her, but she never gave him the chance. Jumping to her feet, sobbing, she threw herself into his arms, crying, "Daddy!"