I did not leave you because I stopped loving you
I left because I was tired
Tired of you not caring enough
Tired of your false promises and constantly being let down
Tired of your constant negativity which impacted me so much that it made my mind so toxic
I could not handle it anymore
I never wanted to leave you
You made me feel safe
Leaving made me feel selfish
Not because I cared too much about myself but because I didn't care enough about myself
Spending hours, days, weeks, months trying to make you happy, yet I could never succeed
Once I realized it needed to end I became nauseous
Washing my flannel, sweaters, and hoodies because they smelled like you
Taking your name out of my social media profiles, changing our matching profile pictures, never being able to look at your favorite things anymore without thinking about you
It was so hard to do.
All of it.
My flannel no longer has your scent
I can't say the same for the hoodies, it still lingers
I said some shitty things to you after the relationship ended, I am sorry
I said those things because I was hurt
I was hurt by how quickly I could be replaced after an entire year of us
An entire year of us that I miss so desperately
For now I have to accept it and move on but a part of me cannot do so
It had to end but I wish it didn't have to.
