Nobody Reviews [CLOSED TEMP]

Sincere's Game - The Name Game

Username: seb110

Genre: Short story/mystery

Parts I read: 14 parts

Beginning Thoughts:

This story does give me squid game and Danganronpa vibes but without the death (well at least from what I read so far). This story does take heavy inspiration from the manga Liar Game and it shows (Squid Game was also inspired by this manga though Danganronpa was inspired by a different game).

Blurb

I kind of like the dig at other Wattpad stories, but only kind of. It's funny but doesn't need to be there.

There is writing there and maybe some themes, but it doesn't really tell me anything about the story itself. Who is the main character, what are the stakes, where is the story taking place what is the motivation to join the game etc.

It also comes across as pretentious when you say "it may or may not be too big brain for the reader to follow" which also makes it out like "I'm not like other stories".

There is something interesting about it, but without knowing anything of what's in the story, then there is no reason for me to want to read it.

Story

The first part of your story, while very minimal, did pique my interest.

The rest of the story is very fast paced and jumps from one thing to the next. I recommend just slowing down and let the reader get to know more about the characters and their dynamics.

I'm also not sure what person this story is meant to be. You write in first person limited, yet there are times when we are seeing different perspectives in third person. Just stick to one perspective and if you really want to change perspectives, indicate the POVs have changed then or something.

I also do not know anything about the first game. You mention they were invited, or hand-picked, but why? Was the monetary incentive mentioned or just that there was a reward? Would anyone have gotten in trouble if they didn't participate?

I also feel like certain parts would be better if they are put together and not separate, but that's just me

Writing

The writing here is not the worse, but there are definitely some issues:

- Telley writing

- Lack of descriptions

- Text that should read as dialogue but no dialogue tags or not fully tagged

- There is dialogue but a lack of anything that happens in between dialogue, it's there, just not often

- Dialogue from different people that need to be separated

- fast-paced writing

- Changes in persons at times as well as changes of perspectives

Characters

I know nothing about the characters except that there are plenty of liars. I'm unsure if these characters are gonna appear in later games or new characters will come in I don't know, but the characters we do have I just can't understand or relate to. I just know nothing about the characters to care and no real dynamics, I mean I don't have to know everyone, but give me something to latch on to. There were even not many descriptions of the characters either, there were some but were forgettable.

Lillian was ok, she was observant, but I was confused when she had the chance to work with Brady and Sincere, since it is based on her perspective. It might be that she was also lying to the reader, to which, maybe? But if that was the case, then using third person limited might be a better option. That being said, there was no motivation for doing that, since it was never indicated she has met them before or anything like that.

These are college students and at times they act like high schoolers like how they were so excited about being lied to by Brady, Lillian and Sincere. Also, I understand why Lillian gave Sincere the higher score, but what about Brady? Why did he want to lose out a chance on the reward? Maybe because Sincere already knew the money was fake... but why play the game anyway then? Why did none of the characters get annoyed or angry?

The characters also seem dumb when trying to lie and swap names to throw others off, when they should have also been thinking about what are the names of everyone else like Sincere. Since it was about getting the most names and numbers correct.. which people seemed to have fortgotten the number part haha.

Anyway..

Setting

There are glimpses of descriptions and history in the story, but overall there was a lack of descriptions in the setting which made it hard to picture where the characters are.

Overall

A fanfiction story with an interesting concept, there's just nothing of substance at this time. If you are willing to add more and slow the pace down, it will be a better story.

Best regards,

Nobody <3