A Withered Daisy

Crush (again) at First Chat (2021)

I know I'm just rhyming rhymes,

But I just want to bring back the old times.

Those days when I could make only I can read,

So they can't judge me for something I uncontrollably did.

Pale lizards with brains,

It was so unavoidable that it makes me drain.

How could I fall in a pit I'm not even half as near?

To someone who doesn't know had my heart surrounded again in fear.

Someone who doesn't exist, or someone who doesn't know I exist,

Filled the months of interest as defense.

In fear that something again would be wasted,

A lost friendship where forgetting about it  is all I wanted.

But, oh, you little officer,

Swept me off my feet without even being aware,

A simple hi and chat;

Broke that wall that defended me from repeating my past.

I would never put you the blame,

It's just unfortunate you called me by my preferred name,

Hinting you know me personally,

Making me aware my first high school crush noticed me.

Platonic connection does not even stand a chance,

So why am I being anxious by a simple chat?

Convincing myself it is just a celebrity admiration,

I went back and forth to demand myself an explanation.

Confusion still surrounds the air, 

But I am confident that I shall overcome and find an answer.

After all, I don't stand a chance to fly high.

Making it light when I fall as no one's going to catch.

----

Written: Nov 2021

Published: January 22, 2024

A/N: Finding this after almost 3 years, and I realized that this was just a more pessimistic version of "Simple Dream" before I met the guy I wrote the latter about lmaoo I'm so paranoid on having a crush after a first love then HAHAHAHA Anyway, although I respect my 14-year-old self, I think she would have agreed to have me tailor and remove some (cringy) lines XD Like, even then, I was convinced I wrote it like I had so much deep feelings when in reality, I was just panicking at the thought of (potentially) liking someone again lol. Anyway, this was about my first crush in High school (not the first guy I LIKED), but yeah... he was a celebrity in our school, and I was just so awestruck then when he approached me about something and knew me personally lmaoo. That's just that, and thank goodness I was able to move on from this phase quickly. He's just so far from my reach XD.