Shadow Whispers | Poetry

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ 01. lost in a dream

once upon a time
i dreamt that you were mine
i told myself that you loved me
even if you didn't want me

i would cry at night
searching for the light
trying to get you off my mind
how could you be so blind

i would jump at every text of yours
and stare as you exited doors
i saw you hugging with that girl
who everyone claims is a pearl

i slept at the idea of you
and sometimes out of the blue,
you appeared, so pretty and kind
it would mess up with my mind

i searched for you in every room
my love for you started to bloom
and with a simple little 'hey'
i would plan our life play

then you started talking more
which takes me back to what you swore
to what you said when we were little
now your actions tell a riddle

we will be forever close, you said
and the little girl was fed
with shattered glass promises
she's now lost in abysses

did you even mean it
would you ever now admit
you still believe that
when we rarely chat

i watch you from afar
like i'm behind a prison bar
and you are away from me
without me, you seem so free

you are bored again
and the clock just hit ten
you only text me at night
is it because i'm so 'light'

you ask why i am awake
and like that, my heart you shake
since when do you care
and i am unaware

we joke, we laugh
like we are high and see a giraffe
i think you feel it too
and in this, we are two

then you say you are bored
and that's when my heart dropped
you are doing the same,
playing that stupid game

did you even want to talk
or should the giraffe eat the hawk
did you just use me
until your attention she would plea

why would you flirt
if you do not meant
or are you just making fun
of a little girl's run

how can't you see
that we are meant to be
it's right in front of your eyes,
how can you not realise

but now i'm not a little kid
stop like that me to treat
i 'know' more than you imagine
like what you did with jasmine

yes i might be a fool
over you to drool
but don't forget me that fast
it would make me blast

you claim you care about your 'friend'
but why do you still pretend
the friendship didn't come to an end
way before any of us did intend

I really miss your company
but you don't appreciate annie
i give you so many chances
just to get some random glances

i really want you so bad
at first, I didn't know what
but now I know for a fact
how deep is the cut

the cut of you in my heart
it's some sort of an art
how you tore it apart
by not playing any part

why would you look about her so concerned
have you still not learned
what of a trouble she represents
were you not there at the events

the sound of your voice
when you asked about her choice
the look on your face
when they talked about her grace

I forgive and forgive and forgive
you don't know how much to you I give
because everything is in my head
while you're just chilling on your bed

you're so unaffected, it makes me sick
how it's all just a little trick
your little boredom to cure
will you ever mature

yet you're not the one to blame
since on my own i lit the flame
I make you sound so lame
but it honestly isn't my aim

I am just mad
like my 'similar' dad
i cannot understand
how you don't like me back

I ache for your love
like a little dove
your attention is a need
which not even books can feed

I feel stupid to even think
that we could ever be a thing
i could really use a drink
the least you could do is bring

you text me and i fall into your trap
hoping it's going differently to unwrap
and i think every single time
that you're finally gonna be mine

the illusion of us is stuck in my head
which soon enough goes dead
my thoughts hug you as a whole
but you are as active as a bowl

chains with your face
leaving no grace
engulf me in the space
seeing you, me to replace

it takes my body in
like it's full with sin
not letting me breathe
while in darkness, i wreathe

you are no god
nor a scientific odd
you're just a stupid boy
who really likes to annoy

i feel dumb for replying
but i'm only just trying
how can i know it'll be the one
day, when the girl will see the sun

then you again respond
and i have hope to bond
before you cut off
and leave me mid-cough

on the screen, i bleed tears
from the shadow men i get cheers
my eyes widen at breeze
which slowly makes me freeze

we talk like we are 'bros'
and like that, i froze
you make so many jokes
i really hope she chokes

it's day
and there's no way
that you will ever reply
my tears are now dry

it's night
and you just might
make the choice
of feeding the voice

it's always there
there is actually a pair
one screams from joy
one wants to destroy

the angel and devil
both in the same level
my head they make spin
it could never be a win

at school you ignore me
i do everything for you to see
i crave your attention
i'd die for your validation

you're like a cloud
always so loud
unless it comes down to me
then you're as quiet as a blind one can see

you only in class submit
and i suck on every ounce of it
every eye contact we make
every funny face you fake

how could you even like me
you would never like that see me
you didn't even think i would put make up
you're just fake and full of cap

do you even think i'm pretty
no, i don't need anyone's pity
i just need this to stop
and my love for you to drop

i don't want to like you
but this is nothing new
it's been on for a while
how could you be so vile

i wish this never happened
so i wouldn't be that saddened
like i don't have enough problems already
you had to make my life even less steady

it would never cross my imagination
that i would want your validation
but i guess i always found you pleasant
and you used to be present

my first heartbreak from you was
not being invited to your birthday because
i was a girl, and it was only for boys
i thought eighth grade would only bring joys

do you even like me as a person
guess you are your mother's son
leaving people all alone
but then text them on the phone

or was that what i did
if i could, i would slap that little kid
the coward i used to be
but i just wanted to be free

i remember the first time
i wanted you to be mine
i remember my confusion
that soon turned into delusion

i really thought we could work
now i want to stab my eye with a fork
how could i be such a fool
when you are not even that cool

but then again, how could i not
you were there while i rot
everyone was against me
but you saw through me

you picked me up from the floor
and placed me in your own lore
you were the only one to care
why would life be so unfair

you're slowly killing me
while i'm lost in a dream
with you around me
then i wake up and scream

once upon a time
i dreamt that you were mine
but i woke up with a whine
and voice telling me to finish the line