There is a desire in me to be seen as a poetic and artistic person. I want my stories to be visually pleasing, not in a "shiny and lustrous" way, but in a dreamy, hazy and nostalgic way. I don't know why this is. And what's interesting is I think I only care about being perceived this way and not actually being. Sometimes, I think I want to be this kind of person too, but then I don't put in any effort. And haven't we learned since the beginning that if you actually want something, you'll go for it?
I want to take beautiful pictures; I want to read every single thoughtful quote; I want to read every book that tells me how to do everything, including this life, because I think I have been doing everything wrong, and most of all, I want to show this to everyone so that they know THIS is who I am. I think this yearning to be seen as an artist is an attempt to impress those who I think are cooler than myself, those few whose judgement I so desperately crave, but sometimes, I think this yearning is just a desperate need, a call into the void, in a hope that someone exits out there who understands my language and perhaps, speaks the same too. Perhaps I won't have to translate my soul my whole life.
