Everything in Between

Chapter 30

Zach
January 1, 2024

I wake with a start, still in last night's jeans and with my cell phone loudly ringing on my stomach. The room is bright, the other side of the bed is untouched, and there's no sign of Katrina anywhere. The clock shows it's almost ten, and I sit up, fumbling with my phone and squinting at the screen, wondering why Mama Murphy is calling me. After everything that happened between Annie and me a year ago, I decided it was best to keep my distance. I decided to let go of Annie and that part of my life, and unfortunately, Mama Murphy was shrapnel in the process. I fucking loved Mama Murphy, though, and missed her so much. But for me to move on, I felt like I had no other choice but to make a clean break, even though it fucking killed me inside.

I've never answered a call so fast in my life. The familiarly comforting sound of Mama Murphy's soft and sweet voice comes through the line.

"Hi, Zach."

"Mama Murphy, hey," I pause momentarily before adding. "Happy New Year."

Katrina and I celebrated New Year with her family and friends on the Gourmet Express - a historical train in Yountville - offering a five-star dining menu and Napa Valley's finest wines as you travel through the city to ring in the new year. To say I was hungover would be an understatement. My head is spinning when last night's memories come crashing back: I remember why Katrina isn't beside me in our bed...we ended the night in an epic fight, and she slammed our bedroom door in my face. Quite honestly, I have no idea what our fight was even about this time. That seemed to be a common occurrence these days anyway.

"Happy New Year," she replies. "I've missed you. I haven't heard from you in forever."

I fall back against the pillow and press my hand to my chest, only now realizing how fast my heart is pounding. "I'm so happy to hear from you. It's been way too long. I'm sorry I haven't reached out to you..."

Mama Murphy is silent momentarily, and I can hear the television in the background. "Annie told me what happened."

My heart pounds feverishly in my ears. I frown. I wouldn't say I like that Mama Murphy knows the hurtful things I said to Annie, and I wouldn't say I like how I feel right now. I don't feel defensive or like I need to give my side of the story because I know I had gone too far that night. I feel stupid. Ashamed even.

I roll to my side and close my eyes. "Yeah, I said terrible things to Annie the night of Cece and Reggie's wedding. I don't blame her for hating me."

Hearing the words " hate " and " Annie " come from my mouth feels like a punch to my gut. I hope it's not true. I hope Mama Murphy doesn't confirm my biggest fear.

"Annie could never hate you," she says, and instinctively I exhale a sigh of relief. "She was hurt by what you said, but it sounds like you've both been guilty of hurting each other over the years." I don't say anything, and she continues. "I know the blowout at Cece and Reggie's wedding wasn't the only thing that's happened between you..." 

I swallow hard. Did Annie tell her mom we'd slept together? Heat crawls up my neck at the thought. This is mortifying. I guess there's only one way to find out.

"What do you mean by that?"

"Annie told me that you two had been, well, more than friends once or twice..." her voice trails off, but I know exactly what she's insinuating. "And when she told me, I wasn't surprised."

My heart beats too quickly at the memory, so I do what I must to protect myself. I swallow down my feelings and opt for my go-to survival tactic: self-destruction. 

"I fucked up everything by crossing that line with Annie. It was a huge mistake."

"Maybe it wasn't a mistake," she says. "Maybe you crossed that line because you love Annie. Do you think maybe you still do?"