You are my Sunshine

Chapter Five

*Elizabeth's point of view"

"Would it be really awkward if I hugged you"? he asked as I shrugged my jacket off. It was late October, and it was already starting to snow. Oh, Canada.

"Yes" I answered quickly, dodging his gaze. When I knew he wasn't looking, I quickly looked over at him, and instantly felt bad. He looked like I had punched him in the stomach.

A waitress walked by and I ordered a turkey sandwich and lemonade, still thinking about that first day, and I absentmindedly touched the scarf still hanging around my neck. Once Josh had ordered, we sat in silence for a few minutes, until I finally decided to get it over with, get over the awkwardness.

"I'm guessing you have some questions", I started, looking down at my lap.

He laughed a bit; "I may have a couple", he said smiling.

"Where have you been living? Why are you back in Vancouver"?

I smoothed my jeans, taking my time before I answered.

"I was in Ontario, I'm a dance teacher now. And I'm in Vancouver because I got recruited for a temporary job at a studio for a week".

He nodded, and our sandwiches came. He had gotten the same thing as me, except a coffee in place of my lemonade.

Seeing our orders, he smiled and lifted up his sandwich; "Every time", he said, biting into the sandwich.

We sat in silence for a minute or two more, before he asked me what I knew he was going to ask.

"I might as well come out with it, you know I'm going to ask sooner or later".

I sipped my lemonade, waiting for it, trying to find a way out of it.

"Why did you leave"?

I stared down at my lap, I picked at my nail polish, took a big bite of my sandwich, trying to avoid it. Nothing worked.

"Did I do something"?

"No, Josh; i-".

"Were you not happy"?

"I was, it's just-"

"Do you not love me anymore"?

Silence. How was I supposed to answer that? The love of my life, the boy I had loved since I was 13 years old, asking me if I didn't love him. This was all too much.

"Josh"; I waited for him to interrupt me again, but he didn't. Instead, he stared at me, watching me intently as I turned towards him and took his hand. His hands were so large compared to mine, which were all skin and bone.

"You never did a thing. I was so happy in Vancouver, I loved everything about it. My friends, my family, co workers. It was great. And as for loving you, Josh-"; A tear rolled down my cheek, he wiped it off with the hand I wasn't clutching.

"I always loved you. And a part of me still does love everything about you".

"Then why would you leave"? He asked, taking my other hand and holding it as well.

I shifted in my spot, I wasn't sure if I was ready to talk about that yet.

He looked down at his lap, as if he knew what I was going to say.

"Can we save that for another time"? I asked, squeezing his hand.

He looked up suddenly, arching his eyebrow. "There's going to be another time"? He asked, sounded genuinely excited.

"I was hoping so, I am here for a whole week."

He smiled at me, squeezing my hand this time. "I would love to, Ellie."

"Great"! I smiled, pulling out my wallet to pay for my sandwich, but he stopped me.

"My treat, of course", he said in the most masculine voice he could conjure.

I laughed at him acting silly, but didn't stop him. Instead I grabbed my jacket off the back of my chair and hung my scarf around my neck. He smiled again and pointed at it.

"Why in the world would you keep that old thing"? He asked jokingly.

I shrugged; "memories".

-

After that, he walked me back to my hotel. We stood outside for a moment, in the awkward silence, again.

"You should come by sometime this week, see Matt and everyone".

"Oh my gosh, Matty! I've missed him". I felt an aching feeling in my stomach for my old friends, but pushed it aside.

"Yeah, I bet he's missed you too".

We stood there a few seconds longer, before he announced he had to go.

I smiled at him, loving the fact that I was almost the same height as him.

"Would it be awkward if I hugged you"? I asked, I just really wanted to be in his arms again.

He laughed, but pulled me into his arms. It was just a friendly hug, his hands didn't roam, and he just held me for a moment. It felt good, everything felt right again.

As we pulled away, he asked me to come hang out the next day.

"I'll pick you up around lunch time"?

I quickly thought about my plans for the next day, and realized I had work. "I work till 2, so maybe you could pick me up at the dance studio on main street around quarter after"? I asked hopefully.

"Sounds like a plan", he said, smiling so sweetly.

I returned the smile, bidding goodbye.

-

That night, sitting in my hotel room alone, I couldn't sleep and I felt lonely. And I hadn't felt lonely in years. Four years, living on my own, I was able to keep myself at a distance from everybody. It was how I coped with everything that happened.

Eventually I gave up on sleep, walking over to my laptop and opening a new email.

Dear Josh,

I know it's been a long time, and I'm sorry for never writing you sooner. I guess I owe you an explanation.

Remember those headaches that we always thought were 'just headaches'? Turns out they were a little more than that.

I have a brain tumor, a huge one. I found out while you were on tour. But I couldn't bring myself to tell you, because I know all you would have done is drop your career to take care of me. That's not what I want from you, Josh. You're amazing. You can amount to so much.

I understand how stupid it was to just leave over a sickness, but I just thought about how upset you would have been and I couldn't deal with it. So this will have to be good enough.

Love, Ellie.

Once it was written out, I quickly saved it to drafts and closed my laptop. That must have been the hundreth time I had written out that email to him, never sending it. Continuing to think about my email, I slowly drifted off to sleep, dreaming of green scarves and lemonade.

DID YOU SEE IT COMING? BUAHAHAHAHAHA

There is more to it, I'm just not telling you. Because that would ruin the story ;).

I had the idea for the email for a long time and I couldn't wait to write it, but I had trouble with the conversation. Hopefully the very few of you who read this like it because I enjoy writing it and I have the greatest ending in store. *Insert evil laugh here*