The Billionaire's Assistant

Chapter 66

After getting ready in an empty den, Kat's commute was wracked with thoughts of what had happened last night, replaying fragments over and over as if to torment herself. Emma's angry face closing in on hers, Jack's gaze dropping to the floor as if he didn't know her, couldn't stand to look at her. Andy's eyes in the dim light, wild and threatening as she'd stood over her.

The surprise on Jove's face, then the confusion, then, when she left, the hurt. What had she accomplished with what she'd done other than make herself feel more guilty, more miserable? Prolonging and expanding her suffering, and for what? Kat still felt exhausted, drained of all her energy and near faint as she'd been last night. On arriving to work she inspected her reflection in the revelator mirror, recognizing that she looked exactly how she felt and yet feeling listless towards any response, not even wanting to brush back her hair.

The elevator opened and Kat held her breath, unsure exactly what she was hoping. She was getting the badge regardless today, whatever she had to do, however she had to look in front of him, but she knew that at the very back of her mind she was hoping to see him again. One last time. A goodbye, although she wouldn't be able to frame it that way.

But the sleek doors rescinded to reveal the plain floor as she always known it before last week, no flowers, and no Jove. She stepped onto it uncertainly, then changed her mind, pulling her foot back onto the elevator and firmly pressing the button for 31, the elevator dinging as if in approval. She was getting that badge. Now.

After another short ride she stepped off the elevator and strode past the woman working the floors reception with more confidence than she felt, flashing her executive access badge that was a requirement of her floor's position.

As she approached Courtney's door her heart quickened, but she steeled herself and kept her pace, absurdly feeling the urge to grit her teeth as some show of her determination. She was getting that badge. She paused in front of Courtney's door for a breath of a moment, then knocked firmly.

"What?" called the familiar, shill voice that had been burned into Kat's brain after her initial interview.

"Mr. Tillibenton has a message for you," Kat called, more clearly than she expected.

Her exhaustion with the entire situation was making her bold, and she took advantage of that feeling to convincingly ensure that Courtney would be jumping on whatever she had to say next. Just as she expected, the door flew open faster than a casual walk around the desk would allow.

"He does?" Courtney asked breathlessly, fussing with her hair as if he were on the other side of the door. "Really? Why, what?"

She scrunched her nose with a miniscule pucker of distaste when she saw Kat, but the excitement remained behind her eyes and in her voice.

"Not sure," said Kat with a shrug as nonchalant as she could muster. "He just said he wants to see you, he said he needed to talk to you."

Courtney was growing pale now, looking nearer and nearer to a necessity for medical attention, and Kat noticed both of her fists in tight, uncompromising balls, her nails pressed into her palms.

"Ok," Courtney said, nodding. "Ok."

Kat instantly felt terrible for her, instantly felt like a heel for taking advantage of this woman's feelings. Someone could manipulate her with Jove as the bait the very same way under different circumstances. It was easy to hate Courtney because she was jealous and possessive and vain, but it was harder to hate her when looking at her now was like looking in a mirror, one that reflected one's hopes and emotions back towards them instead of their appearance.

Jove made Courtney jealous, and possessive and vain, but was that any better than what he made Kat? Did that make Courtney's real fear, the real glimmer of hope underneath it any less serious than Kat's?

Maybe she knows the situation as well as I do, Kat thought fleetingly. Maybe she knows she can never be with him, maybe she always just wants a little more time.

Kat could've wept in that moment, wept for her own cruelty, wept for Courtney, but she swallowed hard and continued.

"He said to meet him at the cafe downstairs," Kat finished quietly. "That's all he said, he'll see you there and he might be a second."

Courtney nodded, smoothed down her hair, and looked at Kat, the unbridled desperation in her face now endearing instead of off putting. She smoothed her hair down for a second time.

"Do I look ok?" she asked, eyes rimmed in vulnerability.

Kat nodded. "You look really pretty," she told her earnestly, wanting more than anything to pull the unsure woman in for a hug. "Really."

Courtney nodded gratefully and fled down the hall, unconcerned with where Kat was going (or staying) just as Kat suspected she'd be. Kat waited until she heard the dual dings that meant the elevator was on its way, then pushed open the slightly ajar door of Courtney's office. Again, as suspected, she'd left the computer open and logged in, payroll information for multiple employees pulled up no less.

She heard Jove's name and went running, Kat thought.

With the potential issue of the password out of the way, Kat began to slowly trod through her memorized procedure for a badge decommissioning, finding Thomas Deanter's profile and eventually sitting back in surprise when the red capital letters underneath the status section blinked deactivated. Kat grinned. Halfway done.

She tediously reversed the process, reinstating Thomas' status and leaving his profile exactly as she found it in order to leave no trace, his badge still rendered useless. She had no fear of discovery while she worked, instead holding the same uninformed certainty that no one would come as she held the informed certainty that Courtney wouldn't return.

She couldn't quantify it, but rather than question it chose to enjoy the confidence, the marked lack of paranoia or anxiety that made this moment feel so unique from all the other risks she'd taken here. One of the last ones she'd take.

She walked to the elevator as slowly as she could, wanting to run and throw herself on as if being pursued, but maintained steadiness for appearances sake. Kat kept an eye on the uninterested receptionist as the doors slid shut, then breathed a sigh of relief that felt like a weight lighting from her shoulders.

All she had to do was wait till the end of the day, sneak to 21, and steal the badge. She'd give the badge to Andy and then be done, really done. Done with seeing Jove, but also done with the lies, the inner turmoil. Done with the poorly concealed secrets and the torment of requited love forbidden.