Take a Chance with Me

2

"Inuman na!" Tuwang tuwang sabi ni Rustom ng matapos ang practice namin. "Philo, sama ka sa amin,"

Tumingin ako sa relo ko, alas dos na ng madaling araw. Pagod na rin ako pero alam ko naman na hindi ako makakatulog ng maayos pag umuwi agad ako. Babalik lang lahat ng sakit.

"Tara," kinuha ko ang bag ko at saka sumunod sa kanila.

Nag lakad kami papunta kila JN, habang nag lalakad ay maingay sila. Hindi ako umiimik, nakikitawa lang ako pag may nakakatawa para naman hindi nila mapansin na masyado akong tahimik.

"Malayo pa uuwian mo, Philo ah? Maaga pa rin practice natin bukas," paalala ni JN sa akin.

Oo nga pala, dala ang sayaw namin. Isa sa Icons of Mary para sa Simbahan at Street Dance naman para rin sa Simbahan, mauuna naming sasayawin ang para sa Icons of Mary pagkatapos noon ay may isang linggo pa kaming practice para sa Street Dance. Umaga ang practice ko sa Icons of Mary at gabi namna para sa Street Dance, feeling ko bibigay na ang katawan ko pero okay lang, mas maayos na tutulog nalang ako pag uwi kesa sa mag isip pa ako.

"Ayos lang, kaya ko naman," saad ko.

"Hatid nalang kita pagtapos, sana hindi ako malasing," Jn said.

"Tanga, ayos lang. Kaya ko naman lakarin, malapit lang yan para sa akin,"

"Umamin ka nak, aswang ka no?" Biro ni Rustom kaya naman nag tawanan sila, natawa na rin ako.

Bumili kami ng alak sa Silangan, nag ambagan kami pambili ng tatlong bilog at juice. I think they noticed how silent I am while we are walking, hindi na rin nila ako inistorbo pero pinaramdam nila sa akin na nandon lang sila, handang makinig anytime.

In the quiet corners of my mind, I grapple with the aftermath of my recent heartbreak. It's a scenario where culpability rests squarely on my shoulders, and the weight of that realization adds an extra layer of anguish to the pain.

As I reflect on the series of events that led to this rupture, I can't escape the truth: I played a pivotal role in the unraveling of something beautiful. Regret echoes through each memory, and the waves of self-blame crash against the shores of my conscience.

It's a lonely journey, navigating the aftermath of a heartbreak when the fault lies within. The self-inflicted wounds sting with every recollection. The words left unsaid, the actions taken too hastily – they form a haunting chorus, a reminder that I was the architect of my own undoing.

The nights are the hardest, as solitude becomes both my refuge and my tormentor. Sleep eludes me, and when it does come, dreams are marred by the shadows of what once was. I find myself retracing steps, seeking a way to rewrite the script, but the ink is indelible, and the pages remain unchanged.

Friends offer solace, but their words are a bittersweet comfort. The well-intentioned assurances can't silence the self-reproach that echoes in the caverns of my mind. "You'll move on," they say, but moving on feels like navigating a foggy path with no clear destination.

Acceptance becomes a distant beacon, the light of redemption flickering faintly at the end of a long and arduous tunnel. It's a journey I must undertake alone, confronting the mistakes and learning to forgive myself. The process is painful, an emotional excavation that reveals layers of vulnerability I never knew existed.

Yet, amidst the shadows, there's a glimmer of hope – a recognition that growth often emerges from the debris of our own missteps. It's a slow process, this healing, but perhaps it's the necessary journey towards self-discovery and, ultimately, a chance at redemption.

Natapos kami ng ala singko sa inuman, umuwi ako pero nag trycicle na dahil may namamasada na rin naman. Pag uwi ay natulog ako habang umiikot parin ang paningin ko dahil sa alak.