Take a Chance with Me

5

Katulad ng dati, umiiyak parin ako kasabay ng pagbuhos ng ulan. Habang pumapatak ang luha ko ay syang pag patak rin ng mga ulan, rinig na rinig ko na lakas ng tubog nito sa bubong namin. Masakit pakinggan pero walang makakatalo sa sakit na naramdaman ko.

As the rain pours down, my tears blend seamlessly, mirroring the turmoil within. The weight of recent events causes my heart to ache, unable to reconcile the reality of what has transpired. An onslaught of unanswerable questions floods my mind, consuming my thoughts. Why did he feel the need to embrace me? What purpose did it serve in that fleeting moment? And why, somehow, did it manage to instill a sense of comfort?

Pinapaasa nya ba ako? Gumaganti ba sya dahil sinaktan ko sya? May part sa'kin na gusto ng tumigil and remember who the fuck I am, pero sa kabilang banda ay hinahanap hanap sya ng katawan ko. Gusto ko maramdaman ang presensya nya.

As the sun set, casting a melancholic hue over the city, I found myself drowning my sorrows at a dimly lit bar. The weight of my heartache pressed upon me like an insurmountable burden, leaving me unable to think clearly. Tears streamed down my face, mingling with the bitterness of my drink.

Wala na akong ginawa this fast few weeks kundi uminom ara makalimutan sya pero peste, tuwing lasing ako sya parin ang hinahanap ko.

The memories flooded my mind, each one a jagged knife that pierced my wounded heart. I remembered walking hand in hand with him in the park. Our laughter, once a joyful symphony, now echoed mockingly in my ears. The warmth of his touch felt like an icy blade carving its way into my soul.

Unable to stand the weight of my shattered dreams, my legs gave way beneath me. I crumbled to the floor, the world spinning around me in dizzying circles. The pain clouded my vision, rendering me unable to distinguish reality from the haunting memories that consumed me. My crippling sobs reverberated against the bar's walls as I grasped desperately at the remnants of my broken heart.

Every city street, every corner café, evoked vivid images of our stolen kisses, stolen moments of happiness. Trembling with despair, I clung to my glass, my fingers leaving marks behind as they tightened around the fragile vessel. Each sip intensified the pain, yet I couldn't bring myself to stop, desperate to forget the love that turned to ashes in my hands.

A flood of regret surged through me as I recalled our  tender whispers that once filled the silence between us. The promises of forever now seemed like cruel lies, a cruel illusion that shattered my trust and left me wounded. I fought against the waves of despair that crashed upon me, threatening to engulf me completely.

The room grew blurry, as if mirroring the haze of my emotions. My body quivered with uncontrollable sobs, each gasp for air a reminder of the space he left inside me. My heart, once vibrant and whole, now lay shattered, scattered on the cold, unforgiving ground.

Through tear-streaked eyes, I whispered words of desolation to the empty air, baring my soul to the gods of longing and heartbreak. But no solace came, only a deafening silence that magnified my pain. The agony devoured me, suffocating my spirit, leaving me gasping for an escape that seemed forever out of reach.

A mournful symphony played within me , intertwining with my tears. The echo of our love, now a haunting requiem, held captive in my incomplete melodies. The weight of my despair became unbearable, stealing my breath, and forcing my body to surrender to an inebriated slumber. As I succumbed to the numbness, I yearned for the day when the memories would no longer be shackles, but rather whispers of a time once cherished.

"Philo, nakita mo na tung myday ni Zep?" Tanong ni France ng makapasok ako ng room.

Umiling ako, "Wala na akong pake d'yan,"

"We? Wala ka parin bang pake kung sasabihin ko na may kasama syang babae?" Napahinto ako. Now, she caught my attention. I acted cool. Tinitigan ko lang s'ya.

"Ito oh," pinakita nya sakin ang cellphone nya. Picture yon ni Zep, sya sng may hawak ng cellphone habang yung babaw naman ay naka takip ang kamay sa kanyang bibig. Parehas sila naka uniform at parehas ng ID lace kasi nasa iisang school lang naman sila.

"So? Ano gagawin ko?" Natatawa kong saad kay France. Si Trixie, Rence at Joyce ay nakatingin lang sa'kin.

"Sus, kung naiiyak ka wag mo pigilan," pang aasar ni Trixie.

Umupo ako sa upuan ko habang nilalabas ang notebook. "Tanga, pake ko nga? May magagawa ba yung iyak ko?"

Fir the first time, wala na akong nararamdaman. Hindi na masakit, I don't know if hindi na ako nasasaktan o sadyang manhid na yung puso ko. Wala na yung mabilis na pag tibok ng puso ko pag naririnig ko yung pangalan nya, wala na yung para akong binuhusan ng malamig ng tubig pag may babae syang kasama. Wala na.

Graduate na nga ata ako sa kanya.

"Hoy! Dalhin mo itong speaker, Juan!" Sigaw ni Rustom. Tapos na ang practice namin sa Icons of Mary, kakain na kami malapit sa simbahan.

Nakatutok ako sa cellphone habang naorder na sila ng makakin namin, umaambon pero nada labas ako. Mahina ang net sa loob kaya nandito ako sa lunan.

"Philo! Nakita mo si Zep?" Tanong ni Juan sa'kin.

"Hindi," aniko habang nasa cellphone parin ang atensyon.

"Tanga dumaan, naka motor may angkas,"

"Oh? Talaga?"

"Oo"

"Ano ang angkas?" Tanong ko. Play it cool, Rain.

Hindi ako sinagot ni Juan dahil kausap nya ang waitress.

"Juan! May angkas?"

"Oo nga,"

"Ano?"

"Kalma, lalaki ang angkas,"

Bumuntong hininga ako. Akala ko ba graduate na? Hindi naman ata masamang maging concern diba? Dumaan sa likod ko, e di nakita nya ko? Ano bang pake ko?

Ayoko na, tapos na ko sa pagmamakaawa.