i have lived with sadness for a very long time
call it depression, laziness, misery
they have all become my friends
the only things i can depend on
truth is, i have forgotten how to survive without them
even when i cry myself to sleep,
even when i muffle my sobs and screams,
even when i struggle to breathe - i am glad, because i know it is one thing that will never leave me
i go to my appointments
i say all the right things
"i'm feeling better"
"things are looking up"
"i don't feel as down anymore"
but it's all a lie
i know they wouldn't understand
they'd think i'm trying to destroy myself
maybe i am
pain is constant, there is no escape
so what's the point?
well
when you spend so long surrounded by darkness
you learn to befriend it, understand it, exist with it
it is a part of me
and perhaps it always will be
perhaps i will always wish it to be
we cannot see the future
we must learn to adapt
which is what i have done, i have adapted.
