Abyss, or Bliss?

If You See The Old Me

If you see the old me,
Would you tell her I said, "hello?"
Been trying to chase away the memories,
She went down the dark road.

And I know she tried her best,
Know she tried to stay afloat,
But every day she continued to sink,
And there was never a life boat.

She tried to fight the current,
As the waves pulled her in,
An embrace of the wrong kind,
How could she even fight it?

She wanted to feel the hug,
Even as the salt invaded her lungs,
As long as she was loved,
She thought she'd be enough.

If she gave herself to the current,
Never fought or tried to leave,
Would she then end up feeling heaven,
In the form of a tragedy?

Every single tear she cried,
Mixed with the ocean water,
An abundance of salty streams,
But the desolation finally caught her.

She could have picked the road,
That many more would take,
Filled with flowers and sunshine,
Real happiness that is never fake.

But she deemed herself unworthy,
So she picked the harder course,
She traveled to the blissful beach,
Before being hit by the ocean's force.

She thought she could never choose the easy route,
She always had to fight,
Always had to be the girl,
To be everyone else's light.

She was the sunshine on the other path,
Bringing light to all the others,
While her skies were gray,
Clouded with thunder.

She searched for the sun,
But she only found the rain,
Tried to just go along,
But she ended up in pain.

Her lungs are at capacity,
She can no longer breathe,
Looking for a Life Saver,
But she knows she's not worth saving.

"I am not worth saving,"
She yells into the unknown,
She thought she was alone,
Because no person would choose this course to go home.

"Please make it end,"
She pleaded with the sky,
All while the ocean,
Drowned out her cries.

She knew the agony that the ocean felt,
As the waves collided into her body,
She knew the ocean was asking for help,
But she could only say, "I'm sorry."

Realization struck,
And she braced for cover,
Her and the ocean are one,
They only have each other.

She thought their pain was the same,
Thought they could work it out,
But the ocean pulled her under,
Just when she tried to shout.

The ocean made her silent,
In her time of need,
Pushed away every ounce of hope,
Made her not worth saving.

The ocean carried her away,
From land and population,
No one could hear her pleas,
Of chronic depression and desolation.

She was utterly alone,
Stuck with the thoughts,
Of wanting to go home,
But was instead, forced to rot.

She was drowning in the abyss,
The ocean was choking,
But she would say "I love you,"
Even with her clothes freezing and soaking.

She stopped trying to fight,
After all, what was the point?
She was stuck in the ocean's embrace,
Though she'd always disappoint.

She could never please the ocean,
For it was always mad,
Always wanted more than she could give,
No matter if it was good or bad.

She was the first to apologize,
She just wanted to feel loved,
Wanted the ocean to think,
That one day she would be enough.

She would fight with the ocean,
Started to believe everything it said,
The ocean told her she was loved,
But it really wanted her dead.

She tried to go to sleep,
Thought she'd wake the next day,
She dreamed of the sunshine,
And that she would be okay.

But the next day never came,
And she never opened her eyes,
The ocean was never an ocean,
It was a man in a disguise.

If you see the old me,
Would you tell her that I tried?
Tell her that I am so sorry,
Tell her to hide.

When she sees the ocean,
For the very first time,
Tell her to be afraid,
Warn her that it is a crime.

Tell her about me,
And my story of life.
If you see the old me,
Tell her to survive.

If You See The Old Me 1/20/24 17:13