dream reality

chapter 20. endless

Here I am facing ups and downs of my life finding myself going through rough times.
With a biblical marriage whoa has it been difficult but however it made me stronger.

Within and externally have our bond gotten stronger I will say yes absolutely.
I've never loved myself and someone that deeply also to a point where we are scared to. To lose one another especially to another person lot hasn't been the best with toxic fems.

However spiritually he has never left psychically I have spoke to him at all I've been doing my daily work and practices.
Which keeps me in love with everything including his love this marriage is really different.

I'm definitely still not comfortable but comfortable with myself
Lot is scared of mental problems with our marriage.
I was too but spirituality will never get you like that
Just psychical without emotions will have an effect that way.

I recently got into another fist fight with a mistress that was a bio weapon I won again.
It's like war out here in these streets covid is no joke. I've pulled lots of tarot on me and my husband turns out he wants a happy relationship with me.

I'm also getting that with Jesus christ gift to me is lot. He think I don't know it yet but I do he is trying to hide the fact so bad.
But cannot we Been through alot with this relationship this marriage is endless, infinity love.

My husband is in his late 40's I'm 30. Sometimes he thinks I'm too young for him but not at all.
Meredith was on some whole next shit saying to be well once you get old it won't matter.
Sitting up there making bio weapons to attack me she lost every fight.

On some real shit she uses it to block me from lot energetically and psychically.
I try to fight my way to him it's been very won but stressful she still wants money.
I definitely don't understand because I'm stable also yall know she has a husband that have money.

Voice mail
Lot- surprise baby I'm coming to see you, i know you been stressed. i know you been fighting for me ,for us i promise i will help release your pain. I love you dream baby .

Ooh shit!
I never expect this to happen what the fuck he going to say. He better not come with no bullshit or about them fake ass silicone mistresses.

Shit even some divine feminines tried me with Lot tapping in on some sexual shit. I tried popping her head back energetically.

Did I miss nope I was so happy to find out I got these females mad still.
Definitely couldn't have my man wanting what I have in my life even without lot.
He just lies about his cheating when I know the truth about what he does.

He act like Jesus lies with him not even a thing boo.
Sometimes I just want to break down and cry from all the shit that he has done.

I know that I'm going to be alright I'm definitely not in the mood for sex I need to heal more when it comes to my marriage.
I will see how things will go when he shows up this man really thought a plain white female was everything in this world.

It definitely is not him being a black man I was disappointed with men In The spiritual community.
Looked at me like was a ghetto hood rat that was never the case I do not like lots reactions to things.

He thinks he so fine sometimes but it's more to make a woman fall in love he acts so surface based.
I don't really like that but I love him unconditionally despite that I'm doing very good with myself.

I've been very turned off by my husband.
I would never touch a twin flame ever again or any man I don't think half the men are worthy of me.
At this point sometimes men just irks my soul in the all the ways me being alone has been the best thing.

For me that is I don't need a cheating ass man that thinks he is too good but however lots a fan of me.
He could keep being that he really need to help heal our marriage, his attitude needs to change I've been doing the inner work to change myself for the better.

I've been fighting for me also protecting myself.
I do not like the fact lot likes jealous ass people that man looks do not define his character.

I do better he needs too I would never accept anything lower always higher that is something he don't understand.
Because where I live like his living is so much better and it's not I would never accept 9 to 5 living.

For a man nah love has nothing to do with my living if your in love with me you accept me for who iam.

How about you take care of me too most white fems get that treatment that is my goal is to have my own. business with a psychical starseed husband shit I already do have my own lot is just not understanding divine laws with governmental laws.

I have never seen a man not love their soulmate a day in my love but yet he is in love that doesn't make sense.

I still love him unconditionally I don't know exactly how he turned this way.

I'm not about to disrespect him he wasn't that way at first.
love is kind,love is blessed, love generous, love is innocent.
This type of love is not blind it's definitely not easy to find or easy to build and mend.