Section F: The Arse-Kickers

Chapter Fourteen

"Kyle, this wretched phone is flashing again."

"Yes, Prime Minister. That's Admiral Ryback for you. On line one."

"Admiral who?"

"Ryback, ma'am."

"Right. And who's he?"

"The head of USINDOPACOM, ma'am."

"Usindowhaton?"

"USINDOPACOM, ma'am. The United States Indo-Pacific Command."

"Wow, catchy name. So, I take it this guy's the head-honcho of their military in these parts?"

"Yes, Prime Minister."

"Excellent. Now, obviously I press...1?"

"Yes, Prime Minister."

"Okay, let's see—"

"Uh, not that particular 1, I'm afraid, Prime Minister. That's the button to dial 1. You need to press the button for line 1. At the top of the phone there."

"I've got a degree, you know. A bloody masters degree in political science."

"Yes, Prime Minister. I'm aware."

"Right. Just so long as that's clear. This button?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Okay, good, fine. That's what I thought. Now, bugger off and see if you can't find out who the treasurer's been schmoozing with lately. I don't like the dreamy look that snake's had in his eyes these last few days. Off you go. Ahem. Hello, admiral. Thank you so much for getting back to us."

"No problem at all, Prime Minister." 

"Please, no need to stand on ceremony, admiral. Call me Moira."

"Of course, Moira. And you can call me Jim. Naturally, we always have time for our friends in Australia. Now, how can I help you?"

"Well, strictly speaking, Jim, it's not actually us who needs the help."

"Ah, I see. You're referring to the New Zealand situation. A curious business, isn't it?"

"Curious? That's certainly one word for it. Disastrous might be another."

"Yes, their military, such as it is, does appear to be making rather a hash of the situation. Most unfortunate for them."

"Most unfortunate indeed, Jim. Things are looking pretty grim for the poor old Kiwis. So grim I'm sure you'd agree they're in need of some serious aid."

"Oh yes, no question, Moira. And naturally, the US will do all it can to help out. Our ambassador has been in touch with their Prime Minister to offer our heartfelt moral support, and I'm sure we can rustle up some aid packages for all those New Zealanders who have been displaced. After all, there's nothing quite like a good old Hershey bar or Twinkie to pick you up when you're down."

"Ah...no. No, I suppose not. Having said that, are you not thinking something a little more substantial than Twinkies and moral support might be called for in this situation?"

"Well, I don't know, Moira. Never underestimate the restorative power of a Twinkie. But you see, when it comes to support of a more...robust nature, that's where things become just a little tricky. I'm sure I don't need to remind you our last few international, er...ventures haven't gone quite as smoothly as we might have liked. No, not at all. Consequently, the feeling back in Washington is that it would be advisable to take a more cautious approach when intervening in foreign affairs. A less, ah...forceful approach."