The Not-so Regular

Chapter 31

Trigger warning : violence

"You will leave me..."

I breathed heavily as I watch him asleep on my bed. The Montecillo is back again in this house.

Dinala ko siya sa loob, pinunasan at pinalitan ng damit, andito pa rin naman ang mga damit niya dati. I didn't think that this day would come, I don't know, I just couldn't throw his things away.

Nakaupo ako sa gilid ng kama, nakatingin sa kanya, walang malay, lasing na lasing kasi.

I can hear his subtle breathes though the rain is still pouring outside. It's cold even the fan is off, but strangely enough, I felt warm because of his presence.

He didn't do anything else, but here I am... so soft and acting like a fool. Walang kadala-dala.

Ano ngayon kung sinabi na niya?

Ano ngayon kung hirap siya?

Ano ngayon kung masama ang sitwasyon niya?

I shouldn't care, right?

It's not my problem anymore... Hindi na kami magka apelyido para patuloy pang makiugnay sa kanya. We're not even friends, for pete's sake!

He knows what to do with his life... like before... and even before me. So, Suaysai, tama na. Tama ng pagpapakatanga at pagpapaalipin sa damdaming 'to.

I looked again into his face, sleeping but has a frown on his forehead. I resisted but I slowly touched it, erasing it, thinking that he won't sleep peacefully with it.

"What are your intentions on me, huh?" I stroke some of his hair. "Bakit ka nandito na naman? Okay na ako e... I'm far from forgetting you but I'm living... I'm living and striving... and you are without me, kaya bakit? Bakit ka nandito na naman?"

Tears dropped from my eyes. I will be honest, it pains me. To see him... with his uncertainty, with his situation.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit, na sa ilang taon kong pag-aaral ng medisina, hindi ko pa rin maintindihan ang takbo ng utak at puso kapag nagmahal.

"Babalik ka... with your words fuzzing my brain, with your actions confusing me... Babalik ka... at aalis uli kung kailan tapos na ang mga kailangan mo? Anong kailangan mo ngayon? What am I to you, Kendrick?"

Di ko na gustong maranasan pa uli ang lahat kahit na mahal pa kita...

"You will leave me again. I know you will... and before you do that, uunahan kita."

Maagang-maaga ako umalis ng bahay, madilim pa. Tumambay ako ng kaunti sa 7/11 bago pumunta sa opisina. Alas nuebe ay may meeting si ma'am Blanche kasama ang ilang directors. I am beside her doing the minutes because her secretary got sick.

I'm wearing a yellow flowy long sleeves and a black trouser, ako lang ang kakaiba sa lahat, naka corporate dark suit sila.

Huli na ng matanggap ko ang text ng sekretarya ni ma'am Blanche, nasa opisina na ako, ayaw kong umuwi at baka nandon pa siya.

Ayaw ko siya makita.

Sir Gab is right across me. Binati niya ako kanina at pinansin ang damit ko.

"You look bright in yellow," he complimented.

Napapunta ako sa CR dahil sa sinabi niya, I rechecked my looks. Insecure kasi ako sa dilaw, feeling ko nagdidilim ang kulay ko gaya ng sa apple green, I'm tan. But I wanted to try new today and I think, I don't really look that bad.

I typed on my laptop, and when I looked up again, I saw him peeping on my face, tinaasan ko siya ng kilay, ngumiti siya ng palihim bago umiling.

It's been awhile since the last time I saw him. I heard he was abroad and just got back.