How did it turn out like this?

Wishing it could be fixed.

My eyes filled with tears once again, as I read the thoughtful words. I really meant it, and I still do. I'll always remember how we used to dance in the pale moonlight whilst it rained and got us soaked. But those memories remind me of why I must keep going with this life. Even though you're not here, I'll never give up. And I feel so apologetic, because when you told me you found a new girlfriend, I said such un-imaginable words. Words that I wish I could have taken back in a heartbeat. Maybe if I hadn't had said those things, if I hadn't had been so foolish and hurt you, if I hadn't of said such violent things, then maybe you would still be here. Maybe you wouldn't have tried to hurt yourself. Maybe you wanted to get put to rest after all. Maybe this was your plan, but it certainly hasn't done any good. I just feel so bad because the things I had said to you that night where immoral and I'm truly mortified about the way I went off on you. I just regret saying all those things. Maybe if I had been honest and told you how I've always felt about you, then you wouldn't have moved on. Maybe we would still be together, maybe even married, maybe even have children together. I decided that I should write another letter, maybe another heartfelt one.