𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐈 𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐄// 𝐒𝐨𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐥𝐨 𝐑𝐨𝐲𝐚𝐥𝐭𝐲 𝐀𝐔

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝟔𝟔// 𝐃𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐑𝐞𝐟𝐥𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬

Nico sat in the waiting room, trying to keep his hands from shaking. He had finally gone to talk to a healer, and was still trying to ignore the thoughts running in his head. He tried to remind himself that unlearning thought patterns takes time, but he was too impatient. 

His name was called, and soon he was sitting across from Healer Henderson. The way they tied their raven locs back made him think of Austin, which sent a pang through him; he needed to message Austin soon. He was neglecting messaging his friends. 

“It’s nice to talk to you, Niccolò.” Their dark, nimble hands tapped on their notepad, before clicking a pen. “Feel free to call me Avery.” The two exchanged courteous smiles. “So what brings you here today?” 

Nico managed to make his mouth work. “I’m having nightmares, and my memories are making it…hard to function.” He leaned forward in his seat. “I’m also having these weird episodes where my anxiety just overwhelms me.” 

“Describe the episodes to me.” When Nico did, Avery tilted their head thoughtfully. “These sound like they’re panic attacks. Do you know what those are?” 

“I’ve heard of them.” He tried to make eye contact, but his gaze kept involuntarily flitting to other parts of the room, scanning the books on the bookshelf behind the healer. Mostly medical stuff he didn’t understand. “I never knew panic attacks could be so…debilitating.” 

“Do these attacks have a trigger?” 

“A few. The memories I was talking about earlier.” He resisted the bizarre urge to laugh. “There’s more recent stuff that I need to talk about, but I want to start with things that happened a long time ago. A decade.” When Avery said nothing, he continued. “Have you heard of Bryce Lawrence?” 

“I think we all have. He was an assassin. I recall you were his apprentice, at one point?” 

He nodded. "I started training when I was ten. I was raised by a woman named Maria, until Bryce Lawrence took me under his wing." Nico's boot scuffed the floor. "Well...If you could call it that." 

"So this Lawrence is who you are having nightmares about." Nico nodded, and Healer Henderson leaned forward, deep in thought. "Did he treat you badly? Was he abusive?" 

"I wouldn't say abusive, just..." Nico fidgeted, trying to find the right words. "He always lectured me about how I needed to be tough and ready for the real world, so he took me down to the dungeons and made me watch." 

Avery's pen stopped scratching. "When you were ten?" Nico nodded again. The healer was silent for a moment, then said, "Continue." 

Nico swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry. "After making me watch, he made me...participate in the torture. If I said no, he would cut me." Nico's hand traveled to his side, memories of the burning pain coming back. "After a while, I became...is desensitized the right word? I don't know." His expression darkened, and he gave a bitter laugh. "He shaped me into Abaddon's perfect tool, his little lap dog. Those two men were my entire world for so long." 

"Did you ever fight against them?" Avery asked, curious but compassionate. "Test their authority?" 

"Not to their faces." Nico wiped his hands on his pants. "Their hold on me began to break when I was a teen. I wanted to kill them, but I was a coward. I..." His voice lowered as he gave his secret. "Sometimes I would stand over Lawrence's bed while he was sleeping, with a knife. I wanted to do it so bad, but I just...couldn't." He scoffed. "It's kind of funny, isn't it? Killing was the only thing I was good for, and I couldn't even do that." 

"They were your whole world," Avery reminded. "You didn't know better." 

"I knew better. I was just too stupid to do it."