Dancing With The Duke

Chapter 30

What had he been thinking? Alex reflected a couple of hours later, sitting in his study at Clayton house, nursing a glass of Scotch — brandy had seemed a poor choice for what he was going through.

Clearly, he hadn't been thinking at all. Kissing Eleanor in her mother’s drawing room of all places. Not that any other location would have justified his behaviour. Eleanor was not the kind of woman one dallied with. She was a gently bred young female who deserved a proper courting — with the permission of her father. He should not have done it.

It must have been the air of London. All polluted and filthy. It had gone into his head and clogged his brain. It was as if he had lost all wits in the drawing room of Penwood house some time ago. Not that his brain was working any rationally now. He was still thinking about it, even now.

But damn it all. The way she was looking at him, with those hazel green eyes, dazed with passion, her body soft and pliant in his arms… he brought his fist down on the table. Hard. It hurt. Well, it should; served him well. Treating a young unmarried woman of breeding like that.

Moreover, this was Eleanor. She considered him a friend and trusted him. He had broken her trust. He just hoped he hadn't broken her heart. The females, especially the younger breed were a lot more susceptible to having their hearts broken. Although, his Eleanor was not like the other women of her ilk, he could not be sure how Eleanor had felt about it at all.

She had called him and asked him to stop. But he hadn't, because he knew he was on the very verge of losing control. He was just one step away from taking her then and there — claiming her as his, something to which he had no right to. He had no plans to marry, and Eleanor was not the kind of lady to dally with, without offering for marriage. He could not do it.

But the devil take it, he could not forget how warm and sweet she felt. He had kissed women before but never had felt this mind numbing warmth and glow spread inside of him, the way it had just a couple of hours ago. Great, now he had started thinking like a smitten fool.

This idiocy had to stop. Immediately. He could not go on deluding himself anymore that he did not want Eleanor. He realised it the moment Eleanor put her hand on his arm to comfort him, and tell him that no matter what the world believed, she knew who he was, what he was capable of and what not. The firm belief she had in him. The trust she had in him was something so new, something Alex had never experienced before.

Despite having heard and believed the rumours for two years, when she came to know the truth she believed him with an acquaintance of a mere two weeks. This was incredible. Eleanor was incredible. But it would do him no good desiring her the way he felt. She wanted to marry, and have a husband and kids, none of which he could provide.

He dearly hoped that their charade would have worked well till now and Eleanor would have a number of suitors to choose from because he didn't think he could continue with that anymore. Just being in her presence would pose a danger. To his sanity. And her reputation.

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