Life Goes On

I NEED YOU

Those flowers seemed like those that you pick from the side of a road or in a mountain field.
That was the third bouquet of flowers he had received in a week.
There was no name or packaging. But there was no need.
He knew well who had sent those flowers and he had no intention of letting them get to his head.
Jungkook was a busy man and in that precise moment of the year he had to prepare thousands of events and meetings; he simply didn't have the time nor the energy to deal with a childish man. He threw those flowers away, like he had done with those before and pretended it never happened, like he had done before, but Gigi knew well that Jungkook wasn't over it yet.
That all the long phone calls and late night talks always had him as a main topic.

He was ready to meet all the new models that he was supposed to work with.
Jungkook had been part of the hosts for a huge event of Fashion and Photography, an idea he and Anna had come up with for the opening of the Biennale Season of that year. The topic was pretty clear: the harmony between nature and humanity; they had decided to put those two different ideas of beauty together to show the main contrast between the two.
Jungkook was the one appointed to the "nature" aspect while Anna would have chosen the "human" one.
They walked past them one by one, took pictures and walked.
Every time both of the artist were quite concorde about the selection except for one guy: Kim Taehyung was one of the most paid and called models of that period and for a good reason, he was impeccable at his job, and because of that Anna didn't even make him do the castings. She had put him in the event right away and Jungkook couldn't say a word about it and, in fact, he didn't. He knew well that Taehyung was perfect for the job.

"You're disgraceful!"
"How come?"
"Really? Oh, yeah sure, play the innocent card! You're really good at it."
"Hey!!!" Taehyung grabbed his shoulder and Jungkook turned quickly around and freed himself from that hand.
"The flowers! And now this?!"
"Look. I apologise about the bouquets. I really do. But this is off of my hands."
"You should have said no!"
"Are you serious? It's my job! I have to make a living out of this!"
"You really don't need this job that much. There are plenty of other opportunities and you would get them all."
"Well, thank you!"
"Shut your face."
"Listen, I won't cause you any trouble-
"Oh shit! Thank you!"
"But-
"Shut the fuck up. Right now, before I call security for stalking me."
"Jesus! Those flowers can't be considered such a much bothering, especially because I stopped sending them-
"Yes, because you decided to meet me in person."
"And what if I did?"
Jungkook gave him a "question mark" look as to ask him "what the actual fuck are you doing" and Taehyung grabbed that change right away.
"What if I came here because of you?"
"Eh - he laughed it up sarcastically - you're such a clichè. The most predictable man I've ever met. - he got serious all of a sudden - Don't you ever come back again just because you're lonely or horny."
Taehyung felt those words, they cut deep, not his pride though. No. They hurt because they were true.
"Not this time, Jungkook. I swear."
"And I should believe you because...?"
"You shouldn't.-
"Good, I don't."
"But I can prove it to you if you let me."
"And what if I don't want you back in my life?"
"I'll understand it-
"Then what do you want? I'm not gonna let you use me again!"
"I'm not using you Jungkook!"
"You're just too full of yourself to accept that you've lost."
"I sure am not. I've lost my pride and dignity the moment I lost you because I had become the person I hated the most. I've lost my pride the moment I thought I had lost you forever...but right now...I speak out of fear. A lot of fear. To make the wrong move or say the wrong word by mistake and hurt you in a way I won't be able to fix. Even though I don't mean to. Even though I have so much love for you."
"Then what? What do you want me to do? What is it that we should do from here?"
"Maybe...just get to know each other even though that may lead to some pain? "
"But I don't want this right now...I don't need this. I don't want you."

-

Harry ran to him as soon as he had received the phone call.
Taehyung was a total mess. A completely different mess than the last time.
He was lying on the ground, fixing the ceiling with no alcohol or cigarettes around. He was completely silent and had his eyes still watery. Harry sat by his side, and with a gentle voice tried to understand what happened exactly.
Not the outside but the inside of the story and Taehyung pulled it all out. The fear, the trauma, the pain and all the old experiences. Everything was out in the light, clear and true.
And the most beautiful and painful thing of it all was that he blamed himself a lot. Maybe even more than he should have had.