To my father,

I miss you.

But not the man you are now the man you used to be. I remember when I thought your shoulders were the highest place in the world. I remember building snowmen with you. I remember carving pumpkins and trick or treating and I wasn't scared because my dad was the strongest man in the world and nothing could hurt me when he was around. I remember when your arms were the safest place in the world. I remember when you started yelling. I remember when you started hitting mom. I remember nights begging you to stop. Many many sleepless nights wondering how long you were going to be gone this time. I remember running from you. I remember you coming back time and time again. Every single time I gave you the benefit of the doubt that you had changed. You never did. You broke my heart before any boy had the chance you know that. You always make it seem like it's mine or mom's fault you left us. But even after you beat on her she begged you to stay. But no you had to leave. The realization hit me that you're never going to change. We're never going to go back to being a family again. But maybe just maybe in another universe you'll walk me down the aisle. Or congratulated me for graduating. Maybe just maybe we're a family a happy one at that.