The Anatomy of Infatuation

CHAPTER 004

'HAHAHAHAHAHA LOL'

[Message Sent!]

That was my last message to Vien this evening. I'm looking for a camera since I don't have any money to buy one. My kuya's camera is not in our house, it's in someone's house, omg, hindi ako pinahiram ni kuya and ayaw niya akong pahiramin kasi magkaaway kami. Ang sama niya, competition na namin kahapon pero hindi niya man  lang ako pinahiram ng camera niya.

I message Vien earlier because I had to ask some people studying in the same school where i'm studying at so that, it will not be hassle for me to borrow a camera that I will use for our press-con tomorrow.

He even say "Goodluck po" to me and those words send a thousand of butterflies in my stomach. Ewan ko ba, tinamaan na nga yata ako sa lalaking 'yon.

I immediatelt grab my pillow at saka iyon itinakip sa mukha ko, I scream out of nowhere or. . . out of kilig? cringe! erase, erase, erase.

Okay, Ynnah. Breathe it's not good for your heart. Toxic at distraction lang ang boylet sa life mo, alright, suit yourself Ynnah. Si Vien lang 'yan, there's nothing special about him.

KINABUKASAN maaga akong gumising because it's a must. We have to wake up early since today is the schools division press conference and we have to be early kasi malayo ang venue unlike before na ang sarili naming school ang venue. Today seems like a battle for me, I feel like sasabak ako sa gera at kailangan ko ang message ni Vien bilang aking sandata. Yuck, so cringe.

Hindi ko na kinakaya, Ynnah.

Feeling annoyed and cringe about what I am feeling right now binitbit ko ang backpack na dala ko at lunch box patungo sa school's faculty kung nasaan ang mga journalist at iba pang kasali like radio broadcasting in both filipino and english category.

Kasalukuyan akong naglalakad sa may hallway patungo sa faculty nang makita ko si Hendrix na naglalakad opposite sa direksyon ko. I walk fast as I can little thing I don't notice, nakaupo pala si Vien sa may upuan near faculty which is katabi ng Physics lab.

I can see him from my position where i'm standing at, nagc-cellphone at bahagyang nakatungo. I walk to Hendrix's direction and pretends that Vien is not their near me.

"Pahiram muna ng cam mo ha? Dalawa naman yung sa'yo, akin muna yung isa!" I said as I approach Hendrix. Close naman kami since we're both a filipino journalist.

"Sure." He said. I smiled and thank him before walking inside the faculty. Alam kong Vien is just pretending lang, kunwari patay-malisya like he didn't notice me or he doesn't care. Chismoso kaya si Vien, hello?!

Pagkapasok ko ay marami-rami na kaming journalist sa loob, they greeted me "good morning" with a smile so I also do the same.

I am so nervous when the school bus, arrived. Mas kabado nga ako kahapon nung wala akong mahiraman ng camera dahil I feel like Teacher Gabb is mad na since worried na nga kami both kasi baka walang magamit na cam. The camera is required and if ever wala akong magagamit I will be disqualified. The school have camera naman pero it's not enough.

EXHAUSTING. The whole day is very exhausting and I feel like anytime soon ay matutumba ako. We're here sa bus, katatapos lang ng press conference and I feel glad that I have a certificate na maip-post sa aking facebook account. I don't know if should I chat Vien or not, wala rin naman akong sasabihin. I want to chat him and tell him how my day went.

Agad akong ang type sa cellphone para i-chat si kuya na sunduin ako dahil wala na naman sina mommy and daddy ngayon sa bahay. Agad naman siyang nag respond.

To: Bro

Kuya, can you please hurry? I haven't eaten any food pa since kanina bago mag start ang press-con. Kuya please huhu, can you treat me? pleaseeeeeeeeeeee? I promise I will treat you rin hehe I feel like matutumba na kasi ako anytime soon, my hand is shaking na dahil sa gutom :(

[MESSAGE SENT!]

After texting him these message, I only received "k" from him. Ano kaya 'yon? He's so cold ah? Malamig pa siya sa yelo.

As soon as we arrived on school, I immediately hop outside the bus and run towards the very familiar car. Hindi ko na nagawang magpaalam sa mga kasamahan dahil sa kagustuhan na makauwi agad.

Kaagad kong binuksan ang pinto sa unahan kung nasaan si kuya.

"Kuya, i'm so tired. Kawawa na ako kuya, hindi pa ako—WHY HE'S HERE?" hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili ko nang makita si Vien, he's grinning when I saw him.

"Gutom ka na diba? bilis na, saglit na lang tayo sa drive thru." Hindi ko alam pero agad akong natahimik nang makita ang presensya ni Vien. He's sitting beside kuya at ako ay nasa likod nila, bakabukas ang bintana ng kotse kaya nakikita ang repleksyon ni Vien mula sa side mirror.

Nakakahulog ang ngiti niya kanina dagdag pa ang repleksyon niya ngayon, ang natural na mapula niyang labi, mahahabang pilik-mata, at perpektong kilay na animo'y sinadya. May kasingkitan ang mata ni Vien na bagay sa moreno niyang kulay ng balat.

Maybe, na-fall ako sa isang 'to dahil sa kakulitan niya, how he treat me before. . . I remember those days, he even let me borrow he's phone. I am sitting beside him while playing "zombie catchers" back then habang pinupuyudan ng isa naming kaklase ang buhok niya. Those days, I wanna go back to those days and confess my feelings to him. Kaya ngayon hindi ko alam kung tama lang ba ang ginawa ko ng pagtatago sa feelings na nararamdaman ko towards him or hindi. Parang there's a part of me na nagsisisi dahil ang dami kong oras na sinayang.

If only I have the urge to tell him how much I admire him kaso wala, I don't have any guts to tell him how he makes me feel happy and how he causes me this strange and weird feeling. I never felt this before, to any guy or person, hindi ko nagawang isipin ng tulad ng pag-iisip ko sa kaniya or sinuman. I never been curious about what other people might be thinking right now, but because of Vien—cringe.

Nababaliw na ata ako.

This is not me. This is not so me. Hindi ganito ang Sabrinnah Cyell nanakilala ko. Seems like I don't know my self anymore. Parang iba na ako sa dating ako.

This is not helping, dumagdag pa ang realization ko na matagal na pala akong nakatitig sa repleksyon ni Vien  at nakatingin na rin siya sakin ngayon.

Kitang kita ko ang ngiti sa labi ni Vien pero inirapan niya ako ng makita niyang nabigla ako at bumalik na sa ulirat ang isip.

Ano ba naman 'yan Ynnah!

Nakakainis!

How can I move on If he's acting like this? If i'm always seeing him? If kuya is friends with him?

As soon as the car stopped in front of mcdo's parking area, kuya immediately get his ass out of the driver's seat and run inside the fast food chain. Ihing-ihi na raw kahihintay sa'kin kanina. I can feel the awkwardness between me and Vien when kuya left us alone.

"U-uhm. . . Why you're with kuya?" I said. Ang tibok ng puso ko ay parang hinahabol ng kabayo sa sobrang bilis.

Vien is sitting near me, sa unahan ko. Hindi niya ako nililingon pero his presence makes me feel umcomfortable. Parang nac-curious ako kung ano ba ang dapat kong ikilos.

I open the window car and look at the beautiful sky with clouds trying to hide the sun.

"He's the captain of our team, we had a meeting a while ago and my car got some damage." Pagkasabi niyon ay walang sabi niyang binuksan ang pinto sa front seat at lumabas.

Mabuti na lamang at lumabas si Vien, hindi ko na alam kung kakayanin ko pa ba siyang kasama sa loob ng iisang sasakyan without my heart pumping and beating so fast.