The Anatomy of Infatuation

CHAPTER 003

Dalawang linggo. . .

It's been two weeks since I had an encounter with Vien. Nung galing pa kami sa fourth floor, but since then ay palagi na kaming nagkikita. I mean, sa school palagi naming nakikita ang isa't-isa. I already told my bestfriend that I like him since grades school. She's teasing me and kinikilig naman ako whenever nakikita ko siya.

"He's single, Ynnah. Don't overthink too much. Walang babae 'yon at walang girlfriend si Vien. Trust me." Elle said. We're here sa coffee shop near our campus, hindi ko kinikimkim and thoughts ko, yes, vocal and open ako kay Ynnah pagdating sa feelings ko towards Vien. I keep these thoughts to myself for a very long time.

I'm sippin' my favorite macha coffee right now while stalking him on instagram. He has a lot of followers in Insta, how about me naman? Sino ako compare sa kaniya?

"Elle, he's out of my league. Ayoko na hindi ko na siya crush." Ibinaba ko sa lamesa ang hawak kong kape at saka kumuha ng fries na in-order din namin.

That's true. I feel like I don't like him na pero nagbabago rin ang isip ko kapag nakikita ko siya. It's so cringe to think na ang open ko kay Elle about my feelings for him. I know our feelings and emotions are valid, pero hindi ko pa rin maiwasang isipin na parang mali ang ginagawa ko. Seems like I should stop liking or admiring him. Vien is my crush since then when i'm still young, a girl who doesn't realize the reality of our world. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ko siya nagustuhan, I just realize that I like him kasi kinikilig ako kapag nakikita ko siya.

Crush is paghanga, pero pa'no kapag you like someone for years na? Crush pa ba 'yon? well, maybe.

Nagsimula kasi 'yon nung minsang na-nominate ako bilang muse and then Vien as an escort. We might be friends back then like super close friend ko na siya siguro kaso panira yung classmates namin before, they ship us. Biniro kami together kaya nagkaro'n kami ng awkwardness sa isa't isa.

Ewan ko ba na-awkward na talaga ako sa kaniya simula noon and I think he also feels the same kasi hindi kami nagpapansinan. He even throw my bag before nung grades school nung naging seatmate ko siya. Ang sama ng ugali. 'Though he's like that before hindi ko pa rin maintindihan ang sarili ko kung bakit crush ko pa rin siya. Lumala at hindi nawala 'yon nung highschool. I remember him na sobrang papansin, para kaming aso't pusa dati na naghahabulan sa loob ng classroom. The people surrounds me knows that I like him kaso ako i'm denying what i'm feeling towards that guy.

I like keeping thoughts to myself.

I feel like dapat ko nalang sarilinin ang mga salitang tumatakbo sa isip ko. But now, i'm trying to change that kind of habit. I'm now sharing my thoughts kay Elle as she's the only person whom I can crust beside my Family.

"Hala, Ynnah. I think Vien is courting Quinn. May source ako as diba Volleyball player siya? Yung source ko Volleyball player din!" Kulang na lang ay sakalin ko si Elle para tumigil. Hello, na'ndito kaya kami sa classroom. Hindi lang naman ako at si Elle ang nakakakilala rito kay Vien. Our classmates knows him din.

"Shut up, Elle. Baka may makarinig sa'yo, baka mamaya si Kuya pala 'yang source mo ah?" Elle laugh and jokingly punch my arm.

"Uy, pa'no mo nalaman? Kidding aside. Of course not! I have friend kasi na nasa women's volleyball team and according to her Vien is courting her sister daw." Okay, I don't like him anymore na nga. This is a sign that I should stop admiring him.

"Hindi ko na siya crush. I don't like him anymore na, Elle. Okay? From now on don't say his name or don't say bad word, alright?'' Mabilis naman na sumang-ayon si Elle sa sinabi ko.

I don't know why but I feel like i'm inlove with Vien.

Ayaw ko na sa kaniya, ayaw ko na siya maging crush pero kahit ayaw ko there's a part of me who's really into him.