Sunday was the only day I didn't work. We used to go to church but mom was in no shape to be in public.
I hadn't heard her come out of her room yet and I was busy jerking off. I had a dream that seemed so real I could remember every detail.
I'd been mopping the kitchen floor in the restaurant, when I heard singing coming from outside.
When I went to check the side alley, a dark shadow fell onto the ground and when I looked behind the dumpster, Az stood there smoking.
He threw his cigarette on the ground and grabbed my chin. He kissed me roughly, tasting of sweet tobacco. I didn't stop him from taking things further until he ended up fucking me hard against the wall.
The thought of his hands on my body made me come in bursts. When I rolled over to grab the tissues, I found a black feather.
What the hell?
I picked it up and my mind flooded with images. Quick! Where was my phone?!
"So like a bucket list but exclusively for sex?" I asked.
Nicolas laughed and said, "I guess so, yes."
Hmmm, interesting question. I hadn't been with Nicolas for that long so I was still in that stage where I wanted to shock him with my emulated bravado.
In actual fact, I was quite ordinary. The only thing really different about me was that I discovered a preference for dick instead of pussy at age thirteen.
Obviously, I made out with girls and let them blow me in the comfort of my SUV but when it came to fucking them, I just wasn't particularly interested.
The first thing to enter my ass wasn't attached to a boy. It was a pink dildo ordered online and delivered to "Slow Barry"; the high school drug dealer. He didn't care what was in the box so long as I paid his service fee of twenty bucks.
It was totally worth it. That dildo set me free!
I loved it so much that I even gave it a name. Johnny used to fuck me deep, fast, slow, whichever way I wanted it.
When I finally let Paul Turner screw me in his aunt's poolhouse, I was kind of dissappointed. My Johnny was way better! I did have to admit that Paul was a phenomenal cocksucker. Just the thought of those lips could still make my dick hard all these years later.
So, what was at the top of my sex list?
"I wanna be tied up, blindfolded and fucked till I scream," I said not all too quietly. A lady sipping a latte next to me turned around and stared.
"Wow!" Nicolas said, "I did not see that coming!"
I wondered if he could see through the mask of self-confidence that hid my bundle of angst and feelings of worthlessness.
"What's yours?" I asked, slurping up the last of my coffee.
"I dunno," he said, "Truth be told, I'm happy with what we have right now."
"You bitch!" I said in outrage. "Now, you're making me feel guilty!"
"How did I get so lucky?" Nicolas said, staring into my eyes.
"You aren't lucky, you're a masochist!" I said, dipping a finger in the froth of his cappuccino and dabbing it on his nose.
***
Fall turned to winter and with winter came a day I dreaded every year; my birthday. Twenty seven years old and still no fucking clue what my life was really about.
