miscellaneous britpop imagines + sometimes nu-metal+ sometimes actually scottish

hard ted's cock

male reader x Ted lasso
it was a hard day at the singing diner bar, and you were tired and agitated when you got home to your lovely man Ted lasso.
"Hello sweetheart how was your day?"
fucking Ted and his nice little moustache politeness American man.
"Ted, i'm very angry today. I had a long day at the singing diner and i had to sing closing time 82 fucking times today."
Ted looked a bit unhappy about this, but he's he grinned a little bit because he's like so crazy and petite so he said "i can close up something else....."
he was winking so hard over in his seat that you thought he was having a stroke, but it turns out he wasn't and it was his way of saying he wanted to make a fun time.
"Well..... if you really want to do that for me, Ted. I don't want you to get mad at me or anything."
Ted looked like he was gonna jump out of his fucking seat he had such a boner time he was fully erect and he was hard as a rock.
He started walking like a skinny kid towards you, but in the most sexy adult way possible. the sheet skankiness of his walk made you wetter than a sloppy joe on sloppy joe day in the cafeteria.
"Are you sure you consent to this?"
"Yes Fed. You are such a silly boy of course!"
"Okay, because this is gonna get really gritty. Like, really gritty. I have something special in the freezer just for you. Let's do an Alaskan Pipeline."
Oh my lord that made you very excited. You were so chipper and excited, you didn't know what to think, so you immediately started tearing up.
Ted came back from the freezer with his Alaskan Pipeline in hand, and some lube in the other, so he put two and two together and he made things happen.
Ted slowly slid the large lump into your anus, as you groaned because of the sheer coldness from the shit lump.
"Oh Ted, how much fibre did you have when you made this it's huge!"
He chuckled with pleasure, and continued pushing the large brick of shit into your hole.
"Oh my god Ted is there a bit of corn in here? This feels incredible!"
He was like "yeah hell yeah" and he had a very large erection, but you weren't letting him do anything tonight.
"IM BOUTA CUM!!!!" You screeched as you 360 no scope nut blasted all over the walls.
"WOW, Ted that was the experience of a lifetime. I want to do that more often please."
Ted went to bed with his erection resting in your armpit, and the warmth of your armpit slowly cooled it down,  while you waited for the warmth of your tight anus to melt it while you slept.